Guest blogger! From a man’s POV…

Hi, hello. How are ya? I'm super, thanks for asking...busy working and going to the gym. There's nothing to report on the PG front, so whatever. He's an ass. Anyhoo. What I *do* have, however, is an update from a guest blogger! This individual has been e-mailing me intermittently for a hot minute. Recently, he…

Dude, where’s my thong?

Well, 2023 is going out with a bang, y'all! In the last three or so weeks, PG has been checking in with me regularly. There were one or two times he said he'd visit, but then something came up with work. I think you all know his typical excuse for not showing. Today he actually…

Judged.

Well, you guys, PG visited today!! I was not sure that it would happen, but this time, I was nearly the stumbling block. Two of my clients are quite busy right now, but I managed to keep things under control - and PG cooperated with an early morning trip to see me, thanks to a…

Guest blog with Buffy: Ho, Canada!

Y'all! It was a good weekend for peen - at least for Honeytoes and Buffy. Below is a post from Buffy, with her text in bold. My comments will be in regular font inside of parentheses. Enjoy!! Yes, I came up with the title for this blog, eh. Something must really be happening in the…

Here’s jizz in ya eye!

OMG!!! THE OLD PG IS BACK!!!!! Yeet!! Remember last time he was here? There was kissing and "I love you" and shit? Well, it's gone!!! PG circa 2016 is back - with a vengeance. Okay, let's start at the beginning. Oh, but first? HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY GIRL **M** FROM LUNCH CLUB!! THIS ONE'S FOR…

Guest blog with Buffy: Cuntinental divide

Peeps! Buffy is back again!! After a long while, an old friend popped in (and out and in and out) recently. Please have a read all about it below. You can tell what text is hers because she uses 2 spaces after each sentence - and because I've made her text bold. Oy, Buffy. We…

Oy. I don’t even know anymore…

Greetings, friends of sluts! Today our old pal PG paid me a visit. Let's chat, shall we? I was in Boston last week for work, so OF COURSE PG was sniffing around just before I flew out of town. I swear that he knows when I won't be available. Recall from my last post that…

Cuntpocalypse now

You. All. Well, then. It finally happened. After 23 months (TWENTY-THREE MONTHS, I SAID) of PG promising to visit and then NOT visiting rather ad nauseam, HE FUCKING SHOWED UP TODAY. No, I am not kidding. Last week, he asked how far I am from a particular town (which he's done over and over again…

ATM

Oh, happy day! Hello, dear readers! How the hell are ya? I'm super, thank you for asking. Actually, I'm pretty fucking hungry. I tend not to eat before PG visits. Fucking on a full stomach is unpleasant. Now, of course, I am hella hangry. I think I'll go grab a bite and then write this…

She’s got something in her throat!

Yes, I certainly did! And let me tell you...it was a long time coming, too! (For those who don't know what the title is referring to, just go to the Google or have a peek at the image below. Maybe that will jolt your memory.) The last time I saw PG was in October of…

You’re my friend…

Today was three weeks since my last PG encounter and after my miserable week of work crisis after work crisis, I was desperately in need of a sound fucking. Oh, for those of you who are counting, today's visit was the 18th of this year so far. It is the highest number of visits in…

Butthole lunch (club) surprise

Oh. Well, I guess it isn't a surprise anymore, is it? It has been way too long since PG serviced my holes, but he finally came today and did just that. He had been texting me for the last few weeks, but he said he'd be able to stop by. I write "stop by" like…

Doorway quickie

Yes, today was another PG quickie, but it wasn't supposed to be. GAH! PG texted me last Saturday and asked if I wanted cock on Friday. Um. YES. I immediately cleared my morning work calendars to accommodate him. He followed up on Sunday morning: "Deep work". Heh. It still makes me giggle. I sent PG…

I got my ass ate.

Or at least that is what one of my gays (KC from Malaysia) would say. Oh, I miss the days of KC calling me late at night: "OMG! I GOT MY ASS ATE, HONEEEYYYY!!!!" Hilarious. Ass. It's what's for breakfast - at least that is true for PG on this fine July day. Yesterday, PG…

Witch I Love Your…?

This one's for you, Buffy. I think you probably figured that out from the title of this post. Also, pre-HAPPY BIRTHDAY, my old friend. Yes, you are - and will always be - 7 months older than me. Did your gifts arrive yet?!?! Next year we'll do our Vegas thing for your birthday - assuming…

Bowled over…or Oh! de toilet

Yes, I know. It is "eau de toilette". Stay with me here. *sigh* "You up?" was the text from PG this morning, right before 6:00 am. Of course I was up, and I figured he was going to cancel. He did not cancel, but he did want to come at 7:00 instead of our previously…

Wait, wut?

After PG's visit last week, I sent him a text to say, in essence, thanks for the romp and you were excellent. He did not reply. Gah! I am supposed to be in Las Vegas right now, but that trip was canceled with all the 'rona madness. In protest, I am still taking my vacation…

And now, for something completely different…

You. All. PG blew my mind today. In recent discussions with my trusted PG whisperer, CP, it was determined that this on-the-stairs fucking situation was apparently boring. While I think CP would likely disagree if she were on the receiving end of the Majestic Peen™ in person, she, herself, was not and she uttered the…

Cherry Wet

On Tuesday, PG and I had the briefest of text exchanges to arrange today's rendezvous. Bam! There it is. I woke up to feed the cats and then went back to bed for an hour. I took a little ride on the E train. Then I showered, shaved my legs, and put on my face.…

Stairway to heaven

You all. This is a record-breaking visit. There has never been a time that I have seen PG three times in less than a week. While I am reeling in the joy of this, I realize that it will come to an end eventually once coronavirus is but a memory. For now, however, I am…

Vagina meeting

OMG! PG just came over for a totally unexpected quickie!! Luckily for me, my vagina's calendar was decidedly open at 12:30. I had already applied some makeup this morning since I had a meeting with my one company with a very touchy-feely atmosphere. They are confused about having to work from home, so they love…

Who are you?

Another delivery of masks, gloves, and hella good hand sanitizer (with witch hazel and honey) arrived today, courtesy of PG. He also took time to explain to me how the recipients of these goodies should use them. He was most concerned about my niece, who is working at one of those visiting angels gigs while…

It does NOT rub the lotion on its skin…

Perhaps you know that my favorite movie is The Silence of the Lambs. Perhaps you did not know that. Well, now you do and that explains the title of this blog a bit. Stick with me. Yesterday, PG "yo"ed me. I have learned that a "yo" nearly always means peen - at least in PG…

Peen in the time of…coronavirus?

HAPPY SPRING!! Let's take a little break today from all of the coronavirus insanity, shall we? Sit down. Chill out. Grab a libation or one of your quarantine snacks and relax with my little blog. Many of you are probably locked in with your families and I know you need a break. (I'm looking at…

A misunderstanding

Like, hi. Yesterday PG texted to ask if I would be around today. I told him I have some urgent meetings and whatnot, but I'd be free for an hour at 1:00, right before a meeting with my boss. Since I'd be on the phone all morning, there'd be no time for slutting up, but…

Ἀδρήστεια (Adrestia – she who cannot be escaped)

Maybe some of my dear readers are aware that I am Greek. Yassou, y'all! Well, I'm half Greek, really, but whatevs. (Technically, I'm half Lesbian because my dad was born on Lesbos - a beautiful island.) If you look at the Greek side of my family and the German side, you'll clearly see which side…

Afternoon delight

You might recall last week's unexpected textual interaction with PG and his alleged promise that he'd come see me today (at 10:15 am, specifically). I sent a text asking if today was still on. He said he didn't know because "Traffic is fucked today". Ah, great...at least this is a new excuse, right? (What I…

Here we go again

PG was quite interested to hear about last night's fuckery with Man Bun. The texting began early this morning while I was in the spa writing my blog about said escapades. I'm still running on three hours of sleep. Just read the texts and then we'll talk. Obviously, he saw the pics from last night,…

Broken

I told PG weeks and weeks ago that I'd be getting some Man Bun time while in Vegas. I mentioned it once. He clearly remembered because he sent me this text: Ah, Las Vegas...land of spas, debauchery, and Man Bun. It is now July 6th just after midnight Las Vegas time. I am sitting in…

Fast ‘n’ furious

Yes, yes, it certainly the fuck was. Gather 'round, y'all. For tonight was a fast and furious fuckfest with PG - and GOD DAMN did I need it. I have been antsy since the engagement of PG...figuring that she has moved in and maybe I'd not see him for a long time. At the urging…

The end…?

Well, yeah. I hope that I am wrong, but I guess we'll have to wait and see, eh. (Hi, CP!!!) After not hearing from PG in a hot minute, this morning when I was trying to herd cats in a work meeting, he texted me a "Yo". I was so involved with work that I…

A whore-easter

You get it, right? Like a Nor'easter?? Don't you people watch The Weather Channel? Here on the east coast of the US, we have suffered four of those bastard storms in the course of three weeks. Hi. It's SPRING now, you fucking cunt, Mother Nature! Knock it the fuck off and go fuck yourself. What…

Stuffed: A tale of 3 dildos

I have been in mourning for my cat Mimi for the last few weeks. We won't go into it, but it has not been a pleasant two weeks for the Honeytoes household. If you add to that the frustration of not getting laid in a hot minute AND not seeing PG since January 2nd (god…