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I went to the spa this morning and wore no makeup because it would have slid right off of my face in the humidity there. Afterwards, I went to grab a quick bite for lunch even though my face was not beat for the gawds. (food > makeup) There was literally not a stitch of… Continue reading Wait. What?
**sigh** Tonight as I soaked in my delightful bubble bath in my luxurious Aria Sky Suite (#fyl #doingitforthegram #assholesandcunts #clams4life), I asked myself: "Self, should you be a rabid, seething cunt about this evening's turn of events or should you rise above?" **sigh** Hmmm...WWMBD? (What would Miranda Bailey do?) Thank you, Dr. Bailey. I choose… Continue reading Disa-peen-ted – I’m rising above.
I said... Y'all, I don't really know how it happened - or why. PG texted me on Monday afternoon (yesterday) to say that he might be able to see me this week. I was beyond pleased. #obvi Then he said which day would work for him: Thursday. Curses!!! Your girl Honeytoes is going out of… Continue reading ERMAHGERD
Can't a ho get a break? First of all, I hereby officially and forever and ever retract CP's nickname of Seabiscuit for the Tinder date I had today. His name will now be Meh. EABOD, CP! In fact, I may revoke CP's naming privileges forever. #godfuckingdammit Secondly, a restructuring of my peen screening criteria must… Continue reading God. Fucking. Dammit.
Here I go again...venturing into online "dating" once again. I finally joined Tinder yesterday after someone pointed out that a Facebook profile is not needed to join. I do not have a legit Facebook account (never have), though I do have a fake one to make sure I don't lose my Candy Crush levels. #dontjudgeme… Continue reading My adventures in Tinder
Hoku? Yeah, hoku. Get it? I just made it up, guys. It is like haiku, but it is about my #holife. Hoku. You heard it here first. Understand that I am not a poet, but since I'm getting no #peen right now, this is all I have. #FML Someone, please send me some D. I'm… Continue reading Hoku
Yes, this is another oldie previously posted on the other site. Since I haven't see PG in a hot minute (Booooo! You whore!), this is all I have to work with, y'all. Jesus, I need some #peen. Oh, wait...I'll be getting that this weekend...Here's the old post from my 22Jan17 visit - the last one… Continue reading Flashback: 22-Jan-2017 – In your colander?!
We didn't fuck. His dick went flop. Fucking hell. Raindrop did not live up to the hype of his peen pics. Maybe it was first-time jitters. Maybe it was that he's a functional drunk (his words). Your Honeytoes tried every trick in her dick sucking book, but only a partial chub happened. He did eventually… Continue reading Raindrop. Drop top.
I mean. Y'all. I - I - I - I mean...Holy. Flaming. Shit nipples. *sigh* Okay, calm down, Honeytoes. Let's just breathe here. *sigh* Oh. Wait. Before we get into this, let me just give you a little interesting piece of information about today. If you don't already hate PG, this ought to seal the… Continue reading Surprise, surprise, surprise!
Here are some of the reasons why Stretch was blocked from my phone before he even got to his car. Showed up late wearing shorts and sneakers. I'm sorry...did I disturb you in the middle of your #sportsball game? I wore a lovely off-the-shoulder dress (I looked so #fetch - two young girls at the… Continue reading K bye
...well, fuck. I'm not entirely sure WHAT happened. You see, my friends, I was minding my own business, as I am wont to do. I posted a pic on Instagram of my new gym (barf) saying that working out sucks - 'cause it does, especially for fat shits like me. I get relatively few likes… Continue reading What had happened was…
I still have my profile on AFF. Maybe I'm actually a #masochist, not a #sadist. I was given a free upgrade to the gold level, so I can now see peoples' profiles. It is fascinating and horrifying at the same time. Y'all, I'm seeing more cocks that Frank Perdue. It's like seeing a bad accident...you… Continue reading The AFF Fuckwit Parade – I. Just. Cannot. Even.
AdultFriendFinder continues to disgust and confuse me. Men clearly do not read what I am looking for, so I ignore nearly all of the messages I receive. When many message me, their messages are one or two words - or letters. "Hi." "Nice tits." "Fun!" "wyd" Dammit, give me something to work with here, people.… Continue reading What in the actual fuck?