Disa-peen-ted – I’m rising above.

**sigh** Tonight as I soaked in my delightful bubble bath in my luxurious Aria Sky Suite (#fyl #doingitforthegram #assholesandcunts #clams4life), I asked myself: "Self, should you be a rabid, seething cunt about this evening's turn of events or should you rise above?" **sigh** Hmmm...WWMBD? (What would Miranda Bailey do?) Thank you, Dr. Bailey. I choose… Continue reading Disa-peen-ted – I’m rising above.

And after the spanking, the oral sex

I don't really know how to start this post, so why not use a line from Monty Python's The Holy Grail? There's never a bad time for a Monty Python quote. In fairness, though, I think the oral sex came before the spanking this evening. I am beyond exhausted right now, having been awake for… Continue reading And after the spanking, the oral sex

Pre-Vegas fuckery with PG

An apology is in order. I lied to my biggest cheerleader and totes bestie. In truth, she is also PG's biggest cheerleader. CP, I told you I didn't hear from PG after I texted him on Sunday. Mostly I told you this because of his track record of saying we're going to get together and… Continue reading Pre-Vegas fuckery with PG

Flashback – August 1989 – And so it begins

Guys. Seriously. It has been a week since I had peen. A week!! I'm miserable. Twitchy. I'll likely never have sex again. WHY HAVE ALL OF MY GO-TO PEENS FORSAKEN MEEEEE?????? I hate men. Blah, blah, blah... (Does that seem right to you, CP?) When I have thoughts like that, I try to stay calm.… Continue reading Flashback – August 1989 – And so it begins

There’s been an incident.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving here in 'Murica and your favorite slut was proper stuffed. (That's how they say it, innit, Nicola? Pissflaps forever!!! Miss you!! Quality.) Oh, how very cliché I am. Yes, I am thankful for peen...only the good peen, though, duh. You know that I search far and wide to find only the best… Continue reading There’s been an incident.

I’m not me when I’m horngry.

Horngry? Ya. Horny + hungry (for peen) = a very out-of-sorts Honeytoes (Of course, "out-of-sorts" = bitch on wheels.) Thanks, CP, for finding the graphic whilst my holes were getting pounded...I just zhuzhed it up a bit. After getting back from my business trip and having had a very bizarre set of texts the day… Continue reading I’m not me when I’m horngry.

God. Fucking. Dammit.

Can't a ho get a break? First of all, I hereby officially and forever and ever retract CP's nickname of Seabiscuit for the Tinder date I had today. His name will now be Meh. EABOD, CP! In fact, I may revoke CP's naming privileges forever. #godfuckingdammit Secondly, a restructuring of my peen screening criteria must… Continue reading God. Fucking. Dammit.

Oh no she didn’t.

(For gaobest, wherever he is...) Oh, but she did. Yes, I went there. Wait, though...In case you are a reader who is unaware of this particular gentleman's likes, let me ask you to read the previous post to orient yourself. You good now? Super...let's move along. My Saturday evening date was the Tinder guy who… Continue reading Oh no she didn’t.

Flashback – 28-May-1988 – Virginity lost and a slut awakened

Yes, I said 1988. And what of it? I'm old. We cougars are old - and that is part of our charm. Well, that and our sex drives. Since this #cougar #ho is not getting any #peen for the foreseeable future (God. Dammit. To. Hell. Where you at, PG?!), this flashback is going to have… Continue reading Flashback – 28-May-1988 – Virginity lost and a slut awakened

Another one bites the dust (and your little friend, too!)

First of all, THIS IS NOT A FLASHBACK!!!!! Second? Check back in a day or so because it is almost 3:00 a.m. and I am delirious...I might remember some little tidbits and edit this post. edited to add: In case you were wondering, apparently my "asshole smells and tastes perfect" - at least per Plane… Continue reading Another one bites the dust (and your little friend, too!)

Flashback: 20-Apr-2017 – Tossed salad for two

It pains your slut Honeytoes that yet another Flashback is being posted here. Trust me: I'd rather have a new slutty adventure for y'all, but I'm in a dry spell. My two favorite cocks are practically impossible to obtain...One has a gf and a crazy work schedule and the other is on the other side… Continue reading Flashback: 20-Apr-2017 – Tossed salad for two

Flashback: 16-Mar-2017 – There’s my slut!

I saw PG tonight. I sent him an ass pic midway through the day, but didn’t hear back from him. He always responds to dirty pics from me. I figured he was busy working and around 3:00, I began my partial prep for tonight. I didn’t put on my makeup or put my hair into… Continue reading Flashback: 16-Mar-2017 – There’s my slut!

FulFILLed slut

This post covers the 3 days that Master stayed with me in my home. What does this mean to you, my dear readers? It means that my thoughts are garbled (along with my pink bits) and that I might forget some details. Give a slut a break, okay? I've been used hard for 3 days...thank… Continue reading FulFILLed slut

Goin’ ho-in’!

That's right, kids! Honeytoes went a ho-in' tonight - September 11th. It was rather unexpected and I find that the best sex is the unexpected kind. I haven't had sex since Man Bun on August 25th. Ugh. I swear that I have no idea how I lasted without sex for 7 years before meeting PG,… Continue reading Goin’ ho-in’!

A twofer! — Son of a dick / Guess who’s coming to dinner?

Son of a dick I swear to god that I am a #fucktard. I'm a big-dick-loving, moron-believing ninny. You heard it here first...that is, of course, unless maybe you've spoken with Plane Guy - 'cause I surely haven't. He's doing me dirty, dear readers, and not the "dirty" that I crave. It has been over… Continue reading A twofer! — Son of a dick / Guess who’s coming to dinner?

Good vibes – The return of Man Bun

Ahhhhh, Man Bun. How do I fuck thee? Let me count the ways... As expected, my hair did not cooperate today and my shoes hurt, but in order not to disappoint my readers, your #slut Honeytoes persevered and went through with her date. You're welcome. #toughslut Man Bun showed up one minute late, but as… Continue reading Good vibes – The return of Man Bun

Flashback: 11 & 12-Feb-2017 – Getting Giggy with it

After the putative January 2017 ghosting episode with PG, I had a big, fat sad. I swore off men and sex forever and ever...and then...? I got a bee in my bonnet and decided that the last guy I fucked would NOT be the nasty Boston guy. Oh, hell, naw!!! I would get a man… Continue reading Flashback: 11 & 12-Feb-2017 – Getting Giggy with it

Flashback: 21-Jan-2017 – Pre-ghosting text fest with PG

Per a request, here's a little Flashback (with non-flashback bits, too) for your reading pleasure since it seems unlikely that I'll getting any #peen till I see Man Bun next week...Mmmmmmmm...Man Bun peen all up in my warm, wet holes...Onward. Here's a new twist in my Plane Guy story. He texted me this morning saying… Continue reading Flashback: 21-Jan-2017 – Pre-ghosting text fest with PG

Captivity: Day 2 – Face down, ass up

Come on, y’all. I’m joking. I was not being held captive, as one of my friends joked in her slightly panicked texts to me. Sheesh. I was not joking about the "face down, ass up" bit, though. I started this post on my flight home (the LAS-ORD leg) and I am happy to report that… Continue reading Captivity: Day 2 – Face down, ass up

Knife to meet you…

Right. Today is Saturday. I'm still in Vegas with Master and I'm not dead yet, nor have I been made into a skin suit for my tormentor. First let me tell you about my Uber ride to his house yesterday. I never shared an Uber ride before, so I thought since I am already living… Continue reading Knife to meet you…

Flashback: 22-Jan-2017 – In your colander?!

Yes, this is another oldie previously posted on the other site. Since I haven't see PG in a hot minute (Booooo! You whore!), this is all I have to work with, y'all. Jesus, I need some #peen. Oh, wait...I'll be getting that this weekend...Here's the old post from my 22Jan17 visit - the last one… Continue reading Flashback: 22-Jan-2017 – In your colander?!