I have been in mourning for my cat Mimi for the last few weeks. We won’t go into it, but it has not been a pleasant two weeks for the Honeytoes household. If you add to that the frustration of not getting laid in a hot minute AND not seeing PG since January 2nd (god fucking dammit), then you might be able to guess that I have been in a mood – a fucking bitch of a mood. Like, not a good mood at all.
The other day PG led me to believe that we might hook up on Monday evening. We did not. Why? The poor baby is overwhelmed at work or some such shit. Wah wah wah. He had to see his accountant. Blah blah blah. I said I was sorry he’s having a tough time and I wish I could help (mainly because I needed to be fucked hard – obvi).
Yesterday I texted him:
Er, what’s the deal with the cartwheeling emoji? I never did send him any pics, mainly because I was incredibly busy with work, but also because he pissed me off. Don’t get snippy with me, bitch! Then? I bugged the snot out of CP and lamented my empty holes, lack of PG peen, and lack of pretty much all #peen. She loves when I get into my moods. Anyhoo…I swore that I would wait till PG texted me…nothing from me until that time, whenever THAT might be.
So, then, like, this morning, PG sent me a happy face emoji and this happened:
I figured nothing would happen…no texting at all throughout the day, no asking for ass pics, and it is not our standard Monday night. Dammit to hell. Okay, getting ready to regress into my “I got no peen” funk, I decided I’d go to bed at 7:00 and sleep like a log. Of course, though, I had to get in one more text in the unlikely event that he could see me tonight.
Sweet, merciful crap! Lemme give y’all a moment to understand my panic. Because I had no clue that we’d be getting together, my pessimistic self didn’t have anything ready. I hadn’t done my hair in 5 days (total rat’s nest), hadn’t ridden the E-train (no bueno since PG is an anal guy), hadn’t shaved my legs in DAYS (I’m Greek…we’re a hairy lot.), yadda yadda yadda. I live 82 miles from him. On a good day, it is maybe an 80-minute drive. But not today. It was rainy and I suspected the roads would be jammed. I don’t usually leave my house until between 6:30 and 7:00, so I rarely hit traffic on my way to see PG.
I panicked and took a quick ride on the E-train, shaved my legs, and showered up with that yummy-smelling buttercream cupcake shower gel. I dried off and then SOMEHOW beat my face, put my hair up, and got dressed in about 10 minutes. Quick and dirty, y’all. I was out the door by 5:10!
If “Ho Prep” was an Olympic event, tonight your girl Honeytoes would have brought home the motherfucking GOLD, y’all!!!!! USA! USA! USA!
When I was about 15 miles into my trip, I got a text…from PG. “Yo.” I swear by god and sunny Jesus that PG will visit the infirmary if he fucking cancels on me. As you know, he has been known to cancel with little notice (#ytho), though he has not yet done so after I have left my house. He asked how far I was and I reluctantly told him. He texted “Jesus” and I thought he was going to cancel. He did not cancel – luckily for him – and I continued on my way. #iwillcutabitch #dontyoumakemehurtyourdog
When I got to his house, I walked to his recently painted bedroom. It would be my job to foul it (spoiler alert: mission accomplished). He asked me to remove the long top I was wearing and I threw it to the floor, revealing my pale white skin encased in one of my new, cheap, black fishnet bodystockings. #madeinchina No bra. No g-string. He inspected me and then pointed to the ground. I got on my knees and the face fucking commenced. It was brutal tonight and exactly what I needed. I was informed that I needed to keep my mouth wide open and take every inch down my throat. #facefucking My mouth is actually quite small, so taking any cock into it is a chore…but PG’s cock? Yikes.
I was holding on to his thighs, but he ordered me not to touch him. He wanted total control of his movement into and out of my mouth. I gagged repeatedly on his Majestic Peen™. I was drooling copiously, my eyes were watering, and my nose was running. I looked up at him a few times and he smiled each time. Guys really do think you’re pretty when you’re gagging on their dicks – drool, tears, snot, and all! As I looked up at him, he was smiling at me. #cheekybastard
PG then told me to lie on my back and he got down there on the floor with me, fucking my throat from above, while simultaneously giving my pussy some attention with his mouth. “Do you like it when Daddy eats your pussy?” he asked. With his dick still in my mouth, I mumbled something like, “Yyyyyymmmmmmmfffffggggghmmmmm.” Message received. He dismounted and violently fucked my face again while I was still on my back on the floor. It was somewhat difficult to open my throat effectively in that position and this annoyed him. PG took his cock out of my mouth, slapped my face, and further warned me: “I will beat you, slut, if you don’t open your mouth for me!” #yesdaddy #fuckmythroat
Then…he bent down, held my mouth open, and spit into my mouth several times. Disgusting? I mean, compared to putting my tongue into his asshole? No, not particularly (even though I hate saliva)…but it was hot as fuck.
I was ordered to lean over the bed and present my #ass to him, but before I bent over, he ripped my bodystocking up the back with his hands. The man needed access to my holes, after all, and even though the bodystocking is crotchless, more access is needed than what its crotchlessness offered.
He gazed at my fat ass and manhandled it briefly before instructing me to get on my back on his bed – their bed. #eabodorangina “Legs back, babe,” he cooed and then he put his hands on my thighs, wiggled them, and said, “These thighs!!” I looked him in the eyes and he smiled. “Good?” I queried. “Oh, yes!” was PG’s reply. I’m so happy that someone appreciates my big thighs! PG then plunged his cock into my pussy. Holy flying moose balls. I gasped loudly because it had been so long since he was inside of me. He was so much harder and bigger than I remember. PG was grinding into me slowly and deliberately….so very deep inside of me. #assholesandcunts #clams4life
He asked when was the last time I had cock inside of me and I said it had been a few weeks (with Jame). PG’s comment was something about how “open and wet” my pussy was and how amazing it felt to him. He asked if I was sure that it had been that long since getting fucked, and I blurted out, “I’ve been mourning my cat for nearly two weeks, for fuck’s sake!” He said, “I’m so sorry about your cat, but don’t make this weird…but I am sorry about your cat.” I go stupid when there is good cock in my holes, so I’m sure that he chalked it up to that and to my grief. We continued.
PG asked where my dildos were. Um, they’re in the same fucking bag that I bring here every fucking time I see you, you ninny. He picked out the medium-sized dildo and said something like, “Oh, this is the biggest one you brought?” I told him to keep looking and he found Sarge. He inserted Sarge into my pussy. “Fuck yourself with it,” he said as he put on a condom (uh oh!). I grabbed onto Sarge’s balls and fucked myself as I looked at PG. He dripped some lube on my pussy and my ass and then he entered my ass. “I’m going to gape you tonight, Princess.” Yes, I would definitely be getting stretched tonight. (Incidentally, I looked up some gaping porn for funsies. It isn’t as gross as I thought it would be. Go look it up if you’re bored!)
He fucked my ass as I vigorously fucked my pussy with Sarge, but then he changed things up a bit. He withdrew from my ass and retrieved the small purple jelly dildo and slid it into my ass, where his cock soon joined it…all while I continued fucking my pussy with Sarge. I was stuffed like a turducken (tur-cunt-en??), but with a cock and some dildos. Sweet pain. We were not done yet.
He told me to hold Sarge inside of my pussy, but to roll onto my side – all the while, still fucking my ass with his cock and the small jelly dildo. I was overwhelmed…my brain went back to the day I met PG and I thanked the universe and FSM for making us find one another. #serendipity #serenDICKity
PG flipped me onto my back once again and slowly (carefully) took his cock and the small dildo out of my ass. Yes, Sarge was still in my pussy. PG’s next move was to slide the medium purple dildo into my ass (“Push out a little, Princess.”). And then? He carefully worked his cock into my already-Sarge-stuffed pussy. Triple penetration FTW! I was pretty well stuffed full throughout most of my visit with PG tonight. It was like Thanksgiving – but better! As he was fucking me, he put his fingers into my mouth to hold it open, with a few throat fucking moves as well. He was focused on making me gag this evening and I didn’t hate it.
Frankly, if something turns PG on, I will do it. I think that I have no limits with him, as I have mentioned before. My mind reels thinking about what might actually come up with PG that would make me say NO to him. I am not sure that there is anything – and I find that terrifying and freeing at the same time.
As I was in his bathroom cleaning up the dildo parade in his sink, I snuck a peek under his sink. There is a huge box of tampons in there: supers. I thank the baby Jesus (and the fine folks at Mylan Pharmaceuticals) that my birth control pills prevent my periods. There was something else in there, but I’m not going to put that in the blog. I will, however, investigate it more closely the next time I am there. I felt like Jerry in that Seinfeld episode where he finds a prescription cream in his girl’s medicine cabinet and he freaks out because it is for a skin condition. Of course, it ends up being for her cat, not her. I digress.
Oh. Did I mention that Fox News was on his TVs (both in the living room and in the bedroom) during our fuckery? I’m sure that most Fox News watchers would clasp their pearls knowing that someone was orally, anally, and vaginally reamed out every which way during one of their shows. That pleases me. I left his house with the obligatory bottle of water, a hug and kiss, and his standard: “Behave. Drive carefully. Text me as soon as you get home.”
…and always remember: Ho is life, y’all!
#notesfromaslut #honeytoes #hoislife