I got my ass ate.

Or at least that is what one of my gays (KC from Malaysia) would say. Oh, I miss the days of KC calling me late at night: "OMG! I GOT MY ASS ATE, HONEEEYYYY!!!!" Hilarious. Ass. It's what's for breakfast - at least that is true for PG on this fine July day. Yesterday, PG…

On lock down

With all the COVID-19 fearmongering happening right now, I thought that y'all could use a distraction; however, I have no sex story to share. PG did text me today, but that's all I have for you. Sorry 'bout that. In my head, PG is at home also on lock down with Orangina, but he's thinking…

Code word: SYZYGY

First of all, other than "cunt", my favorite word is "syzygy" It pleases me greatly. When and *if* it is determined that PG must be destroyed, I shall deploy this word and CP will proceed to the cutting of bitches, but not today!!! (This is only a drill, CP.) Perhaps this post will be useful…

Guest blog – Double Buffy update

Happy 2020, y'all! PG has been actively texting in the last few weeks. His desperation should repulse me, but I find it empowering. He still claims he'll visit soon, but for now, my holes are empty. Stay tuned. Whatever. In the meantime, we have an update from our Buffy. Enjoy! (My commentary is speckled throughout…

Ἀδρήστεια (Adrestia – she who cannot be escaped)

Maybe some of my dear readers are aware that I am Greek. Yassou, y'all! Well, I'm half Greek, really, but whatevs. (Technically, I'm half Lesbian because my dad was born on Lesbos - a beautiful island.) If you look at the Greek side of my family and the German side, you'll clearly see which side…

Happy Whore-oween!

No, no, I didn't get laid. Will I ever get laid again? All signs point to no. FUCK YOU, MAGIC EIGHT BALL! Today was Halloween, though, so I took the opportunity to break out the latex and one of my corsets and have some fun. Do note that the black PVC boots and the PVC…

Fuckity, fucking fuckballs

What's good, y'all? I'm back and I have nothing fun to report. I am recovered from my surgery and back from a vacation to Greece. Woo. Ah, but what of PG? Well, I texted the fucking fuckwad today. Can you guess that I have received no satisfaction? Yes, I am bitter, thanks for asking. Pfft.…

IDGAF

IDGAF. Me either, girl...me, either. **sigh** …and always remember: Ho is life, y’all! Sluttily yours, Honeytoes #notesfromaslut #honeytoes #hoislife

Oh, no, she di’n’t!

Actually, she did. I did. **sigh** I turned down a meeting with PG tonight. Nope, no one is more surprised than I am, y'all. I' surprised and disappointed. We texted this morning and he said "maybe" for tonight. I know what "maybe" means, so I ate my dinner around 6:30. I normally eat around 4:00…

Hello

I give you my (pathetic) version of Hello...with the humblest of apologies to Adele...   That's what happens when I am bored and peen-deficient. No one wins here, people. No one. Blame PG. He's an ass-faced #cumbubble. PG did text me today after no contact from him since July 7th. Yes, he asked how my…

Documented sluttiness since 2017

This is a post to note that it is one year today that I have been writing this blog. #blogiversary I hope that you have been enjoying it. Aw, who are we kidding here? I don't give a crap if anyone enjoys it at all. I like to write and I love to fuck, so…

Betrothed

Well, it has finally happened, as I knew it eventually would. I was informed by my internet spy ('sup, CP?) that PG is, in fact, engaged. He was in #Vegas when I was there last weekend (yes, he knew I was there). In fact, he asked where I was staying, presumably to make sure that…

It was 30 years ago today…

...that I lost my virginity. (Yes, I know, I'm old. Fuck off.) Hey, John from Wyomissing. What's good? I wonder what happened to him...Oh, you don't know the story? Read all about it by clicking here. Oh, and for you, CP? That scene that we heart from Life of Brian is in that post for…

Still here

Yes, y'all. I am still here. Actually, my "here" right now happens to be Las Vegas. Calm your tits. I am not seeing Man Bun. He showed off a zit on his nose on his Snapchat the other day and I got freaked out by it. I'm getting practically no dick, as I am sure…

Y tho?

Okay. I have now determined that the Universe actually and truly is fucking with me. Suck my dick, Universe. In fact, suck a fart, too. Full on. I have been in a #peenless funk since my last visit with PG. It seemed clear to me that that could have been our last visit for a…

Displeased AF

Of course I am. Why shouldn't I be? For a few weeks before my last escapade with PG, he was all up in my giblets texting me incessantly. Our last encounter on 22Mar2018 (read about it here and here) was epic. Now? Not a fucking thing, y'all. I sent a few ass pics, accentuating its…

Never

Yesterday morning PG texted me to ask how my cunt and asshole were doing. Getting texts from him out of the blue brings me joy. I replied that my holes were bored and empty. Then I texted, "Fill them" and he replied, "Amen." Then... It was true that I had been working and unable to…

Protected: Oh, the shade of it all

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Wait. What?

I went to the spa this morning and wore no makeup because it would have slid right off of my face in the humidity there. Afterwards, I went to grab a quick bite for lunch even though my face was not beat for the gawds. (food > makeup) There was literally not a stitch of…

Paging Sybil…?

I mean, I'm not officially diagnosed with multiple personality disorder dissociative identity disorder, but a certain friend (yeah, you, CP) thinks I have it. It is true that I go from loving PG to hating him to loving him once again all within a 2-minute span at times. I mean, don't we all do this?…

EABOD, PG.

Yeah, I said it. EABOD, PG. Pfft. He probably would, too, based on the things he has said to me (that I have screenshots of just in case I get proper brassed off one day). Yep, he has said things to me that I guarantee he's told no one else, least of all his girl.…

Jinxed – pretty sure

Well, I'm pretty sure I'll end up jinxing myself by posting here, but I'll share a text conversation I had last week with PG. I do so love when he initiates the texts. I also was mildly amused that my response to his "Yo" was a little bit of #butthurt on his part. Men. Sheesh.…

Flashback – 27-Jan-2017 – The bad day

I'm not going into hella detail on this one because it's my fucking blog and I'll do what the fuck I want. Dammit. If you know all the details of what happened, you'll understand my reluctance to go into all the details. 27-January-2017 started out as a super day. I was traveling home from a…

Searching…searching…

I clearly need more #peen in my life. This much you all know. I'm currently away from my cozy house and lovely cats for one of my jobs. Ugh. I am not going into that mess here because I am lucky that I have two good, full-time jobs to complain about, right? So. As I…

Teeny update

Hi, kids! As I write from the fucking cold-as-fuck Poconos, I thought you'd like to know that I have bought some alone time with Man Bun. I am going to Vegas at the end of this month for my birthday. If you're from FT, you might recall that my birthday last year suuuuuuucked. If you…

Ho Ho No

No, there's no Christmas miracle up in here. There will be no Christmas #peen for this slut. Fuck this shit. It doesn't seem likely that I'll be getting any #dick till 2018. I've said it before and I'll say it again: For you, dear readers, I can offer you only a very lame attempt at…

Disa-peen-ted – I’m rising above.

**sigh** Tonight as I soaked in my delightful bubble bath in my luxurious Aria Sky Suite (#fyl #doingitforthegram #assholesandcunts #clams4life), I asked myself: "Self, should you be a rabid, seething cunt about this evening's turn of events or should you rise above?" **sigh** Hmmm...WWMBD? (What would Miranda Bailey do?) Thank you, Dr. Bailey. I choose…

Addendum to previous Man Bun post

Good morning! Okay, so I just got up and wanted to add a few things about my evening with Man Bun last night. If you didn't read that post, CLICK HERE AND READ IT NOW and then come back to this post. He fucked me stupid, people...my brain just could no longer handle all the…

Why am I such a nasty slut?

That's a fine question, innit? Part of the appeal of being used as a #slut comes from the knowledge that most often I am the other woman. I really seem to get off knowing that I'm no more than a dirty secret with highly appealing holes, a particular sexual skill set, and few limits (with…

Flashback – August 1989 – And so it begins

Guys. Seriously. It has been a week since I had peen. A week!! I'm miserable. Twitchy. I'll likely never have sex again. WHY HAVE ALL OF MY GO-TO PEENS FORSAKEN MEEEEE?????? I hate men. Blah, blah, blah... (Does that seem right to you, CP?) When I have thoughts like that, I try to stay calm.…

Oh no she didn’t.

(For gaobest, wherever he is...) Oh, but she did. Yes, I went there. Wait, though...In case you are a reader who is unaware of this particular gentleman's likes, let me ask you to read the previous post to orient yourself. You good now? Super...let's move along. My Saturday evening date was the Tinder guy who…

Hoku

Hoku? Yeah, hoku. Get it? I just made it up, guys. It is like haiku, but it is about my #holife. Hoku. You heard it here first. Understand that I am not a poet, but since I'm getting no #peen right now, this is all I have. #FML Someone, please send me some D. I'm…

A twofer! — Son of a dick / Guess who’s coming to dinner?

Son of a dick I swear to god that I am a #fucktard. I'm a big-dick-loving, moron-believing ninny. You heard it here first...that is, of course, unless maybe you've spoken with Plane Guy - 'cause I surely haven't. He's doing me dirty, dear readers, and not the "dirty" that I crave. It has been over…