Witch I Love Your…?

This one’s for you, Buffy. I think you probably figured that out from the title of this post. Also, pre-HAPPY BIRTHDAY, my old friend. Yes, you are – and will always be – 7 months older than me. Did your gifts arrive yet?!?! Next year we’ll do our Vegas thing for your birthday – assuming we’re not all dead of the ‘rona and shit. (Interesting factoid about Buffy: I swear that every sentence she speaks ends with “and shit” and I find it hilarious. “I went to Giant to get groceries and shit.” “I’m going to take Fifi for a walk and shit.” “I met this guy on Bumble and we went for a walk in the cornfield and shit. [That just means she sucked a dick in that context.]” Her apparent unawareness of uttering that phrase is what makes me giggle every single time she says it.)

Sit down a spell, y’all. This is going to be a long one. (That’s what she said!)

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe being in a relationship with someone for years doesn’t automatically mean that the whole thing will grow stagnant and foul, leading to resentment and boredom. That is one of the (many) reasons that I have avoided relationships in the past. Also, I’m a slut. It will soon be 4 years since I met PG on that US Airways flight to Vegas and even though we’re not in a proper relationship, whatever it is that we have (shared perversion and love of fuckery) is anything but stagnant.

Last Friday PG asked for pics. I was in meetings all day, but I did manage to send a photo of my chest. I was wearing an olive-colored bodysuit (It’s the one that you love so much, CP! They’re still out of stock, dammit. If anyone is interested in seeing what it looks like or buying one, go to universtalstandard.com and look for the Next-to-Naked Bodysuit. SO FUCKING COMFY!!). I was not wearing a bra. He was pleased. An hour later, the texts began.


Alas, my wish was not granted, as you’ll see soon enough.

I got myself ready early this morning, including a refreshing ride on the E train. (Thank fucking god!! ATM waits for no man.) My curls were hella unruly, so I put them up in a high ponytail. I opted for an orangey lipstick that I forgot I had in my lipstick stash: Yummy by Jeffree Star. (Once again, those are not my lips in the photo below.)

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I shimmied into the same bright pink large-weave fishnet “dress” that I have previously worn. Fuck me. I looked good, y’all!

His text came through that he’d arrive at 8.01 AM. He opened my door at precisely 8:01 AM. I super appreciate people who show up on time (or early). Those who make me – or anyone – wait are assholes. Your time is no more important than my time, dammit (unless you’re a fucking trauma surgeon or something). BE THE FUCK ON TIME, PEOPLE. Anyhoo…

(OMG….I have an online training session about FDA and EMA regulations on generic drugs…will try to continue typing here as I try to pay attention to that…..)



Through the door he came. I had had enough of the stairs, so I was up in my bedroom waiting for him. I stood at the end of the bed. The lights were low. The Lavender-Vanilla candle was lit. I had The Cure playing. (Yes, the Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me album again….it is just go fucking good.) I was ready for fuckery.

PG opened the door: “Hello!” I said, “Hi!” Within that tiny time of interaction, he had lowered his pants and underwear. Of note, his underwear today was bright red Under Armour. NO, THIS PICTURE IS NOT PG. He had already taken off his shirt downstairs.

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I fell to my knees and sucked his dick for the first time in a quite while. (WTF…just realized my leggings are on backwards….PG fucked my brain into the stupid zone! Christ.)

To have his cock slide through my lips once again was “Just Like Heaven” (Yes, that is a song by The Cure). I used both hands, one on his cock and one on/under his balls, as my mouth and tongue engulfed him. A few times I slowed down to look up at him when he said, “Look up at Daddy.” Squee!! He took a few photos with his dick in my mouth, complete with saliva trickling out of the side of my mouth. I suspect that he’ll use them when he rubs one out at home later.

When he’d had enough of  my oral acrobatics, he inspected me. PG looked closely at my – well, my everything. He gazed, touched, squeezed, and jiggled most of my body. I guess this bit of ‘rona weight gain hasn’t fazed him one bit. The comments about the massiveness of my ass and thighs might have been annoying, even hurtful, coming from anyone other than PG, but he honestly appreciates my body and all the bigness/squishiness of it. To PG and to all other men who appreciate non-athletic bodies, I humbly thank you.

PG manipulated me like a ragdoll, posing me face down with my ass in the air, giving him full pink bits exposure, as he took photos. He was like a gynecologist, getting very close with his photos. I wonder if he used the macro mode on his phone? 🙂 I was asked to spread my ass cheeks apart or to push my pussy lips together so that he could get the shots he wanted. Obviously I complied. As you know, I’d pretty much do anything he would ask of me.

By the time he had finished with the mini photo shoot, I was so ready to have him inside of me that I wanted to scream. He started with me on my back, right there on the floor. PG was SUPER into me today (pun intended)…perhaps even a little desperate, bless his heart.

We began in the missionary position. This was not a simple missionary thing, though. There were various leg positions for me, including fully spread like a wishbone on a turkey, legs together with feet by his face, twisted to the side kind of in the fetal position (with the top leg sometimes against the bottom leg, or apart from the bottom leg, at various degrees), legs slightly spread with feet caressing the sides of his face – against his beard (swoon!), legs spread with knees pushed back toward the floor (upside-down frog?), and possibly a few other variations that I am likely forgetting.

Throughout this missionary journey, PG was very chatty. He extolled the virtues of my big thighs, fat pussy (apparently mine is “the fattest” he has ever seen – a good thing according to PG), and my wiggly, jiggly ass. I really need to record the audio one of these days….sometimes what he says to me just blows my mind. I asked him about my ass: “It’s not too big?” “Never!” said PG, as his cock went deeper inside of my pussy.

(I’m still on this online training session. It started 15 minutes late….I’m so distracted.)

I’m guessing you won’t be surprised to read that we eventually switched to doggy style. He gets the full view of my ass and he loves to see his cock slide in and out of my pussy and my ass. Yes, we did both – in both the previously mentioned missionary position and in the doggy-style position. There were some more photos taken before the fucking restarted. After the on-my-knees action, he told me, “Go all the way down on your stomach.” He knows how much I love this position, with his full weight on me. PG went slow and deep in my pussy and then my ass. I was shaking.

“Stand up,” he said. Up I stood. He turned me around to look at at my pussy. Again. He asked me to spread my legs and then spread my pussy lips for him. He groaned, “Ooohhhh.” I should mention that the pink dress thingy was now just a belt, having been pushed up over my ass and then pushed down to expose my tits. It is pretty durable, considering how cheap it was. I should order another…maybe in black.

PG stood up to my right and slightly behind me while he played with my pussy and my ass (both the hole and the cheeks). He slapped my ass a few times, presumably to watch it jiggle. “On the bed,” he ordered.

I walked over to the bed, but he pushed my head down to get his dick wet. “Spit on that cock, Princess.” Having properly wet PG’s cock, I got onto the bed on my hands and knees to present my ass to him. Once again, he went in close, inspecting my bits. He put his finger into my pussy and then into my ass. PG pushed my ass down a little and then entered my pussy. There was some pussy-ass-pussy-ass action. (Honeytoes’ extra tip: When you clean your ass, it is helpful so that the guy doesn’t get shit dick and so that the girl doesn’t get a yeast infection when going back and forth. Also, should one endeavor to perform some ATM, as I have been known to do, it won’t get…funky.)

I was told to turn around and put my ass at the edge of the bed, where PG fully violated both of my holes again with his Majestic Peen™. Then things took a turn. He was fucking me, but he was looking at my nightstand, apparently distracted. He asked for lube (which was on the nightstand) and then I saw him reaching for something else. Um. This is where the title of this blog becomes relevant. (Paging Buffy!)

On my nightstand I keep a few items: a book (Midnight in Chernobyl), Josie Maran body butter, a goat milk hand salve, moisturizing sleep gloves, and a bottle of something called Witch I Love Your Hair. It is a spray with all-natural oils and whatnot. I use it on my hair, face, and body. I will not travel without it…very refreshing on a dry flight! I’ve even given my travel-sized bottles to weary FAs. I soon found out that the bottle can be used as a dildo. Well. I’m not sure that the website considered THAT in their marketing. Perhaps they should.

I was somewhat shocked when he started pushing this lubed, aluminum bottle into my pussy (gently). The look on his face…PG was satisfied, surprised, and deviant. That’s our PG! I have had things in my pussy bigger than that (fisting play, DP, and TP), so I was on board, but the first bit into me was the full girth of the bottle. At least a girthy dick starts out with a somewhat smaller head to ease into the relevant holes. The whole bottle was inside of me – I mean, not the sprayer attachment. I’m not THAT freaky!

He then took the bottle out of me and plunged himself deep inside, gasping and saying, “Oh, my god!” (I guess because of the gape left by the bottle. It feels different, he says.) PG then told me, “Spit on your fingers and wet your asshole,” and then he said that I should hold onto the bottle and fuck myself with it as he slid himself into my ass. I don’t particularly recall the last time was did any kind of DP play. It was supreme.

At some point, he stopped fucking my ass and then he started to slide the bottle into my ass. I was surprised. He stopped, turned around to my bathroom, and stepped over to open one of the cabinets. He grabbed something else with a smaller girth. The circumference of the Witch bottle was 4.7 inches. The smaller bottle was maybe half that, give or take. (This smaller bottle was my makeup setting spray!) So, yeah, that went into my pussy and PG fucked my ass again.

I finally said, “Um, you know that I have actual dildos, right?” He said that he thought that I threw them away. Um. I might not have done that. “Oh?” he said. “Yes! I can get them.” I got two of them (I did NOT bring out Sarge!) and handed them over to PG. He lubed them up and stuffed them both inside of my pussy. Then he fucked my ass with his cock. There was so much going on down there today!

We weren’t done yet.

He stopped and took the dildos out of me. He grabbed the pink one and said, “In here,” as he motioned with his head to my beautiful bathroom. He suctioned the pink dildo (bless those suction-ended dildos!) onto the toilet seat and told me to sit my ass on it – all the way down. I did so. Proper stuffed was I! The dildo was at the end of the toilet seat away from the tank. PG was on his knees in front of me and he moved close and put his dick in my pussy. Then he wrapped his arms around me, held me tightly against him, and fucked me. Holy. Shit. I wrapped my arms around him tightly. You would not have been able to get anything between our bodies. We were so close. My right cheek was against his. Had we not been on the toilet, perhaps it would have been a romantic scene. 🙂

He stopped and told me to get up. PG suctioned the pink dildo on my countertop by the corner. (Buffy, you KNOW how high that fucking countertop is!!!!) It is fucking high as fuck, y’all. I can scarcely bend over it to wash my face. I was like, “Um, how am I supposed to get up there? Am I too big? What will I tell my contractor if it breaks?” (In all honestly, my contractor would think it was hysterical and he’d definitely not be surprised by that phone call.) PG tried to comfort me, but he was also determined for me to get the fuck up there. “Up you go!” Up I went!

I lifted up the toilet lid and seat, figuring that the porcelain bowl would be a more stable step stool than the plastic lid and seat. Somehow I managed to get myself up onto the countertop (not a particularly graceful move, but I did it) and stuffed that pink dildo into my ass once again. PG moved closer to me and started fucking my pussy. Holy fuck.

If I didn’t know better, I’d swear that my new bathroom and new, high bed were chosen because they were at PG-appropriate heights! I will not forget the looks on his face during this bathroom buggering. He was soooooo into this. PG looked all sexy and smiley. I feel as if he might have thought about this beforehand…but I could be wrong. How could he have remembered the items on my nightstand?

We once again moved to the bed. PG fucked my pussy and he asked, “Do you want me to cum in your ass?” “Yes,” I said. “No, I like seeing my load all over you,” and like that, he smiled, chuckled, and came buckets all over my stomach and tits.

“Don’t move,” he said as his dismounted and grabbed a towel from the bathroom. I noticed then that he had never taken off his boots, pants, or underwear. That made me laugh. As he cleaned himself up, I stood there wrapped in a towel now covered with PG’s jizz. Classy, no?

PG washed up and noted, “It is hot as fuck in here!” I said that was because the door was closed to keep out the curious cats. The ceiling fan was on medium speed the whole time to circulate the air. I have air conditioning, but I guess when you’re exerting yourself to the extent that we were this morning, it doesn’t really help. I then walked to my bedroom door to open it, and in ran two of the cats (the kitten and the older of the two male kitties). They’re ballsy and were clearly displeased that they had been excluded from the morning festivities.

He shuffled into the bedroom and pulled up his underwear and pants. His dick was still hard. I wanted to reach over and grab his cock through his pants, but I knew he had to go. PG said that he was running late and that he had to get back to NJ, already having been at a local job. Really?? You drove over 90 minutes to the alleged job in my area (likely closer to 2 hours because it is farther than where I am located), came to my house at 8:01 AM…and now you’re going back to NJ? I wonder whether he is lying about having a job nearby just to come fuck me. I am TOTALLY okay with that lie, if that’s the case. But seriously, why lie about it? Whatevs.

“Are you coming downstairs?” he asked. Of course I was! I always escort him to the door. He bent down to kiss me (even though I was on one of the steps). I mentioned that I was getting my nails and hair done (FINALLY!) in the next week. He said, “It’s about time! Nice.” He was joking. He also said that I should do whatever I need to do over the next two or so months because he thinks that we’re going to go on lock down again in early fall. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s right. That ‘rona is a feisty little virus! He asked if he had any lipstick on his lips. I gave him the all-clear. He also said, “Be safe. I might see you next week,” and off he went to the wilds of NJ. Allegedly.

I noticed tan lines on him, and that makes me worry. He’s had some spots biopsied in the past. No, I don’t know if he wore his wedding ring. I tried to look, but kept getting distracted.

Also, this was no quickie today. Even though he said he was running late, he didn’t mention that till after our festivities. He seemed like a man without a care in the world. He was here nearly 45 minutes…practically a record.

…and always remember: Ho is life, y’all!

Sluttily yours,
#notesfromaslut #honeytoes #hoislife

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