Woo fucking hoo, y'all!! PG texted me today to see where I've been. I told him I had a little cosmetic surgery and he probed (pun intended) for details. Long story short: PG is pleased as punch that my ass will look even bigger. I did NOT get a Brazilian butt lift...just some much-needed liposuction.… Continue reading He totes texted ME.
Actually, she did. I did. **sigh** I turned down a meeting with PG tonight. Nope, no one is more surprised than I am, y'all. I' surprised and disappointed. We texted this morning and he said "maybe" for tonight. I know what "maybe" means, so I ate my dinner around 6:30. I normally eat around 4:00… Continue reading Oh, no, she di’n’t!
I give you my (pathetic) version of Hello...with the humblest of apologies to Adele... That's what happens when I am bored and peen-deficient. No one wins here, people. No one. Blame PG. He's an ass-faced #cumbubble. PG did text me today after no contact from him since July 7th. Yes, he asked how my… Continue reading Hello
Yes, y'all. I am still here. Actually, my "here" right now happens to be Las Vegas. Calm your tits. I am not seeing Man Bun. He showed off a zit on his nose on his Snapchat the other day and I got freaked out by it. I'm getting practically no dick, as I am sure… Continue reading Still here
Of course I am. Why shouldn't I be? For a few weeks before my last escapade with PG, he was all up in my giblets texting me incessantly. Our last encounter on 22Mar2018 (read about it here and here) was epic. Now? Not a fucking thing, y'all. I sent a few ass pics, accentuating its… Continue reading Displeased AF
You get it, right? Like a Nor'easter?? Don't you people watch The Weather Channel? Here on the east coast of the US, we have suffered four of those bastard storms in the course of three weeks. Hi. It's SPRING now, you fucking cunt, Mother Nature! Knock it the fuck off and go fuck yourself. What… Continue reading A whore-easter
Yeah, I said it. EABOD, PG. Pfft. He probably would, too, based on the things he has said to me (that I have screenshots of just in case I get proper brassed off one day). Yep, he has said things to me that I guarantee he's told no one else, least of all his girl.… Continue reading EABOD, PG.
No, there's no Christmas miracle up in here. There will be no Christmas #peen for this slut. Fuck this shit. It doesn't seem likely that I'll be getting any #dick till 2018. I've said it before and I'll say it again: For you, dear readers, I can offer you only a very lame attempt at… Continue reading Ho Ho No
**sigh** Tonight as I soaked in my delightful bubble bath in my luxurious Aria Sky Suite (#fyl #doingitforthegram #assholesandcunts #clams4life), I asked myself: "Self, should you be a rabid, seething cunt about this evening's turn of events or should you rise above?" **sigh** Hmmm...WWMBD? (What would Miranda Bailey do?) Thank you, Dr. Bailey. I choose… Continue reading Disa-peen-ted – I’m rising above.
Can't a ho get a break? First of all, I hereby officially and forever and ever retract CP's nickname of Seabiscuit for the Tinder date I had today. His name will now be Meh. EABOD, CP! In fact, I may revoke CP's naming privileges forever. #godfuckingdammit Secondly, a restructuring of my peen screening criteria must… Continue reading God. Fucking. Dammit.
Hoku? Yeah, hoku. Get it? I just made it up, guys. It is like haiku, but it is about my #holife. Hoku. You heard it here first. Understand that I am not a poet, but since I'm getting no #peen right now, this is all I have. #FML Someone, please send me some D. I'm… Continue reading Hoku
Son of a dick I swear to god that I am a #fucktard. I'm a big-dick-loving, moron-believing ninny. You heard it here first...that is, of course, unless maybe you've spoken with Plane Guy - 'cause I surely haven't. He's doing me dirty, dear readers, and not the "dirty" that I crave. It has been over… Continue reading A twofer! — Son of a dick / Guess who’s coming to dinner?
I mean, is he? A wanker, I mean. Is PG just a #wanker offering up more and more perverse fantasies via text as he rubs out a quick one? Am I falling for his #wank bait? I don't know. I mean, I think I know. I think that his texts are the truth. Oy vey.… Continue reading Just a wanker?
We didn't fuck. His dick went flop. Fucking hell. Raindrop did not live up to the hype of his peen pics. Maybe it was first-time jitters. Maybe it was that he's a functional drunk (his words). Your Honeytoes tried every trick in her dick sucking book, but only a partial chub happened. He did eventually… Continue reading Raindrop. Drop top.
Just a note, in case you're interested...I'm not meeting up with PG tonight, so don't bother checking here for a salacious post tomorrow. He never confirmed the time with me, so I'm not going. We always confirm the time to meet on the day of a meeting, but my first-thing-in-the-morning ass pic didn't garner a… Continue reading Nope. Not gonna happen.
O ye gods! My evening with Plane Guy tonight is no more, but I am not surprised. I texted him early today to ask what time I should arrive at his place. "Don't know" was the response. I asked if we were still on and I got a terse, "Let you know." I knew then… Continue reading Frustration!