He totes texted ME.

Woo fucking hoo, y'all!! PG texted me today to see where I've been. I told him I had a little cosmetic surgery and he probed (pun intended) for details. Long story short: PG is pleased as punch that my ass will look even bigger. I did NOT get a Brazilian butt lift...just some much-needed liposuction.…

Addendum to Guest blogger!

Yep, I have another update. Of course, it is not about me getting any #peen. That won't happen for at least another month, at best. FUCKITY FUCKING FUCKBALLS! This update is to inform y'all about some of the unanswered questions from our recent guest blogger's post the other day. He's provided some additional information for…

Guest blogger!

Hey, y'all! It's your girl Honeytoes here and no, I have not had any adventures. I am recovering from a little cosmetic surgery and it feels like hell. I am bruised, swollen, sore, and in a rather foul mood because I am horny AF. I'm a little bitter. It sucks and it vexes my spirit,…

IDGAF

IDGAF. Me either, girl...me, either. **sigh** …and always remember: Ho is life, y’all! Sluttily yours, Honeytoes #notesfromaslut #honeytoes #hoislife

Adventures of Buffy

Hi, y'all! Honeytoes here (duh)! I have toyed with the idea of guest bloggers before, but no one stepped up. Losers. Ah, but now? I have a volunteer, my IRL friend Buffy. We've known one another for more years than either of us will admit. Anyhoo, she offered up a blog post, so here it…

Oh, no, she di’n’t!

Actually, she did. I did. **sigh** I turned down a meeting with PG tonight. Nope, no one is more surprised than I am, y'all. I' surprised and disappointed. We texted this morning and he said "maybe" for tonight. I know what "maybe" means, so I ate my dinner around 6:30. I normally eat around 4:00…

Hello

I give you my (pathetic) version of Hello...with the humblest of apologies to Adele...   That's what happens when I am bored and peen-deficient. No one wins here, people. No one. Blame PG. He's an ass-faced #cumbubble. PG did text me today after no contact from him since July 7th. Yes, he asked how my…

13 Reasons Why

I have been asked by folks why I think that an encounter with a tranny and PG will never happen. First of all, I don't just think that it won't happen. I know it won't. How do I know this? Let me count the ways. If you have read my blog long enough, you should…

Here we go again

PG was quite interested to hear about last night's fuckery with Man Bun. The texting began early this morning while I was in the spa writing my blog about said escapades. I'm still running on three hours of sleep. Just read the texts and then we'll talk. Obviously, he saw the pics from last night,…

Broken

I told PG weeks and weeks ago that I'd be getting some Man Bun time while in Vegas. I mentioned it once. He clearly remembered because he sent me this text: Ah, Las Vegas...land of spas, debauchery, and Man Bun. It is now July 6th just after midnight Las Vegas time. I am sitting in…

Fuckiversary

Happy 2nd Fuckiversary, PG, wherever you are...Thank you for bringing my inner slut back to life. And as for you, Man Bun, I'll see you in Las Vegas very soon. Come to think of it, Happy (belated) 1st Fuckiversary to you, too. Come back soon, dear readers, so that you can read all about my…

Like a prion

Yes, yes, y'all! I am in PG's brain like a mother fucking prion. Since no one ever seems to click on my links in these posts, go to Google and look up "prion" to see what the hell it is. If you already know? You. Are. My. People. Holla at yo' girl. #HMU I make…

Documented sluttiness since 2017

This is a post to note that it is one year today that I have been writing this blog. #blogiversary I hope that you have been enjoying it. Aw, who are we kidding here? I don't give a crap if anyone enjoys it at all. I like to write and I love to fuck, so…

Fast ‘n’ furious

Yes, yes, it certainly the fuck was. Gather 'round, y'all. For tonight was a fast and furious fuckfest with PG - and GOD DAMN did I need it. I have been antsy since the engagement of PG...figuring that she has moved in and maybe I'd not see him for a long time. At the urging…

Betrothed

Well, it has finally happened, as I knew it eventually would. I was informed by my internet spy ('sup, CP?) that PG is, in fact, engaged. He was in #Vegas when I was there last weekend (yes, he knew I was there). In fact, he asked where I was staying, presumably to make sure that…

It was 30 years ago today…

...that I lost my virginity. (Yes, I know, I'm old. Fuck off.) Hey, John from Wyomissing. What's good? I wonder what happened to him...Oh, you don't know the story? Read all about it by clicking here. Oh, and for you, CP? That scene that we heart from Life of Brian is in that post for…

Still here

Yes, y'all. I am still here. Actually, my "here" right now happens to be Las Vegas. Calm your tits. I am not seeing Man Bun. He showed off a zit on his nose on his Snapchat the other day and I got freaked out by it. I'm getting practically no dick, as I am sure…

Minty fresh!

Okay, so I am a drama queen and I might have overreacted when I wrote that I thought that I'd not see PG for quite a long time. Trying to predict his next move is impossible and I can't do it any more. If he wants to see me, I'll leave it to him to…

Y tho?

Okay. I have now determined that the Universe actually and truly is fucking with me. Suck my dick, Universe. In fact, suck a fart, too. Full on. I have been in a #peenless funk since my last visit with PG. It seemed clear to me that that could have been our last visit for a…

Addendum to “The end…?”

As per my usual post-fucking haze, I forgot a few details about last evening's romp with PG. Please enjoy the update. After our makeout sesh, some of my black lipstick had transferred to his lips. It was ridiculously hot. I know, I know...I'm not right in the head. Also, I love seeing him smile. It…

The end…?

Well, yeah. I hope that I am wrong, but I guess we'll have to wait and see, eh. (Hi, CP!!!) After not hearing from PG in a hot minute, this morning when I was trying to herd cats in a work meeting, he texted me a "Yo". I was so involved with work that I…

Displeased AF

Of course I am. Why shouldn't I be? For a few weeks before my last escapade with PG, he was all up in my giblets texting me incessantly. Our last encounter on 22Mar2018 (read about it here and here) was epic. Now? Not a fucking thing, y'all. I sent a few ass pics, accentuating its…

Addendum to ‘A whore-easter’

Sorry, y'all. In my haste to write my latest blog update (click here to see it), I omitted some details. Forgive me. I'm still running on no sleep and slightly losing my mind. PG ripped my bodystocking up my back with his hands when I first presented my ass to him. *Note to self: order…

A whore-easter

You get it, right? Like a Nor'easter?? Don't you people watch The Weather Channel? Here on the east coast of the US, we have suffered four of those bastard storms in the course of three weeks. Hi. It's SPRING now, you fucking cunt, Mother Nature! Knock it the fuck off and go fuck yourself. What…

Stuffed: A tale of 3 dildos

I have been in mourning for my cat Mimi for the last few weeks. We won't go into it, but it has not been a pleasant two weeks for the Honeytoes household. If you add to that the frustration of not getting laid in a hot minute AND not seeing PG since January 2nd (god…

Never

Yesterday morning PG texted me to ask how my cunt and asshole were doing. Getting texts from him out of the blue brings me joy. I replied that my holes were bored and empty. Then I texted, "Fill them" and he replied, "Amen." Then... It was true that I had been working and unable to…

I’d fuck me.

I'd fuck me so hard. I'm not even putting in a link. If you don't know me well enough to know what that is all about, then how are we even friends? I matched with a guy on Tinder recently. We'll call him Jame (as in Jame Gumb - LEARN ME.). We matched right before…

Protected: Oh, the shade of it all

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Wait. What?

I went to the spa this morning and wore no makeup because it would have slid right off of my face in the humidity there. Afterwards, I went to grab a quick bite for lunch even though my face was not beat for the gawds. (food > makeup) There was literally not a stitch of…

“Comfortably numb” addendum

There were a few things that I neglected to include in the last post about my birthday #fuckery with Man Bun. There was pussy slapping. #hurtme After the arm massage, MB massaged my scalp. #bliss #fingersofjoy We fell asleep briefly after the massage and **sigh** he snores. Perhaps this is his only flaw. He left…

Comfortably numb

Like, hi. Indulge me with a few notes here. I am absolutely exhausted. On Saturday night I went to a comedy show and I did not get home and into bed until about 1:30 am on Sunday the 28th. I woke up for my flight on Sunday the 28th at 4:30 am. Three hours of…

Paging Sybil…?

I mean, I'm not officially diagnosed with multiple personality disorder dissociative identity disorder, but a certain friend (yeah, you, CP) thinks I have it. It is true that I go from loving PG to hating him to loving him once again all within a 2-minute span at times. I mean, don't we all do this?…

EABOD, PG.

Yeah, I said it. EABOD, PG. Pfft. He probably would, too, based on the things he has said to me (that I have screenshots of just in case I get proper brassed off one day). Yep, he has said things to me that I guarantee he's told no one else, least of all his girl.…