I have been in mourning for my cat Mimi for the last few weeks. We won't go into it, but it has not been a pleasant two weeks for the Honeytoes household. If you add to that the frustration of not getting laid in a hot minute AND not seeing PG since January 2nd (god… Continue reading Stuffed: A tale of 3 dildos
Yesterday morning PG texted me to ask how my cunt and asshole were doing. Getting texts from him out of the blue brings me joy. I replied that my holes were bored and empty. Then I texted, "Fill them" and he replied, "Amen." Then... It was true that I had been working and unable to… Continue reading Never
I'd fuck me so hard. I'm not even putting in a link. If you don't know me well enough to know what that is all about, then how are we even friends? I matched with a guy on Tinder recently. We'll call him Jame (as in Jame Gumb - LEARN ME.). We matched right before… Continue reading I’d fuck me.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I went to the spa this morning and wore no makeup because it would have slid right off of my face in the humidity there. Afterwards, I went to grab a quick bite for lunch even though my face was not beat for the gawds. (food > makeup) There was literally not a stitch of… Continue reading Wait. What?
There were a few things that I neglected to include in the last post about my birthday #fuckery with Man Bun. There was pussy slapping. #hurtme After the arm massage, MB massaged my scalp. #bliss #fingersofjoy We fell asleep briefly after the massage and **sigh** he snores. Perhaps this is his only flaw. He left… Continue reading “Comfortably numb” addendum
Like, hi. Indulge me with a few notes here. I am absolutely exhausted. On Saturday night I went to a comedy show and I did not get home and into bed until about 1:30 am on Sunday the 28th. I woke up for my flight on Sunday the 28th at 4:30 am. Three hours of… Continue reading Comfortably numb
I mean, I'm not officially diagnosed with multiple personality disorder dissociative identity disorder, but a certain friend (yeah, you, CP) thinks I have it. It is true that I go from loving PG to hating him to loving him once again all within a 2-minute span at times. I mean, don't we all do this?… Continue reading Paging Sybil…?
Yeah, I said it. EABOD, PG. Pfft. He probably would, too, based on the things he has said to me (that I have screenshots of just in case I get proper brassed off one day). Yep, he has said things to me that I guarantee he's told no one else, least of all his girl.… Continue reading EABOD, PG.
Well, I'm pretty sure I'll end up jinxing myself by posting here, but I'll share a text conversation I had last week with PG. I do so love when he initiates the texts. I also was mildly amused that my response to his "Yo" was a little bit of #butthurt on his part. Men. Sheesh.… Continue reading Jinxed – pretty sure
I'm not going into hella detail on this one because it's my fucking blog and I'll do what the fuck I want. Dammit. If you know all the details of what happened, you'll understand my reluctance to go into all the details. 27-January-2017 started out as a super day. I was traveling home from a… Continue reading Flashback – 27-Jan-2017 – The bad day
I clearly need more #peen in my life. This much you all know. I'm currently away from my cozy house and lovely cats for one of my jobs. Ugh. I am not going into that mess here because I am lucky that I have two good, full-time jobs to complain about, right? So. As I… Continue reading Searching…searching…
Hi, kids! As I write from the fucking cold-as-fuck Poconos, I thought you'd like to know that I have bought some alone time with Man Bun. I am going to Vegas at the end of this month for my birthday. If you're from FT, you might recall that my birthday last year suuuuuuucked. If you… Continue reading Teeny update
Happy fucking New Year 2018, bitches. I am not a New Year's Resolutions kind of a gal, but perhaps I'll look into acquiring more peen this year. Big peen, obvi. At the top of that big peen list is PG, but as you know, he's hot and heavy with his girl and once they start… Continue reading Whore-y New Year!
No, there's no Christmas miracle up in here. There will be no Christmas #peen for this slut. Fuck this shit. It doesn't seem likely that I'll be getting any #dick till 2018. I've said it before and I'll say it again: For you, dear readers, I can offer you only a very lame attempt at… Continue reading Ho Ho No
This is just a teeny update to let you know that my encounter on Monday night resulted in my first PG bruise! I am beyond pleased and I am pretty sure he'll be amused when I tell him. As I was working out this morning, I mentioned to my trainer that my left shoulder blade… Continue reading My first PG bruise
Ah. Where shall I begin? Okay, the beginning...that makes sense. In my previous post, PG unexpectedly offered me his cock after I sent him a somewhat amusing photo set including a lit birthday candle in my twat. (It was his birthday, after all!) Of course, he asked me over on a Monday night. This particular… Continue reading Daddy’s little cumdumpster
Let it be known that PG is the King of all the Cunt Teases. #cunttease His birthday was last week and I sent him a birthday text. <nudes sent> My #holes and I attended meetings all day. (I work from home.) It was unpleasant, but it is how I earn money for my cats, shiny… Continue reading A candle in the wind…er…pussy??
**sigh** Tonight as I soaked in my delightful bubble bath in my luxurious Aria Sky Suite (#fyl #doingitforthegram #assholesandcunts #clams4life), I asked myself: "Self, should you be a rabid, seething cunt about this evening's turn of events or should you rise above?" **sigh** Hmmm...WWMBD? (What would Miranda Bailey do?) Thank you, Dr. Bailey. I choose… Continue reading Disa-peen-ted – I’m rising above.
Good morning! Okay, so I just got up and wanted to add a few things about my evening with Man Bun last night. If you didn't read that post, CLICK HERE AND READ IT NOW and then come back to this post. He fucked me stupid, people...my brain just could no longer handle all the… Continue reading Addendum to previous Man Bun post
I don't really know how to start this post, so why not use a line from Monty Python's The Holy Grail? There's never a bad time for a Monty Python quote. In fairness, though, I think the oral sex came before the spanking this evening. I am beyond exhausted right now, having been awake for… Continue reading And after the spanking, the oral sex
An apology is in order. I lied to my biggest cheerleader and totes bestie. In truth, she is also PG's biggest cheerleader. CP, I told you I didn't hear from PG after I texted him on Sunday. Mostly I told you this because of his track record of saying we're going to get together and… Continue reading Pre-Vegas fuckery with PG
That's a fine question, innit? Part of the appeal of being used as a #slut comes from the knowledge that most often I am the other woman. I really seem to get off knowing that I'm no more than a dirty secret with highly appealing holes, a particular sexual skill set, and few limits (with… Continue reading Why am I such a nasty slut?
Guys. Seriously. It has been a week since I had peen. A week!! I'm miserable. Twitchy. I'll likely never have sex again. WHY HAVE ALL OF MY GO-TO PEENS FORSAKEN MEEEEE?????? I hate men. Blah, blah, blah... (Does that seem right to you, CP?) When I have thoughts like that, I try to stay calm.… Continue reading Flashback – August 1989 – And so it begins
During my Thanksgiving Vegas trip this week, I was Snapchatting up a storm. It was a little obnoxious, but at least I was Snapping something other than my cats or pics of me with animal ears and whiskers. I do love that Snapchat. This, of course, means that it is no longer cool. One of… Continue reading Oi! Anyone fancy a cuckake?
Yesterday was Thanksgiving here in 'Murica and your favorite slut was proper stuffed. (That's how they say it, innit, Nicola? Pissflaps forever!!! Miss you!! Quality.) Oh, how very cliché I am. Yes, I am thankful for peen...only the good peen, though, duh. You know that I search far and wide to find only the best… Continue reading There’s been an incident.
This teeny update is meant to let y'all know that: I am considering password protecting certain posts in the future (in case I post a photo of my huge ass or something that I don't want my actual IRL friends to see - also considering posting dick pics for shits and giggles). If I institute… Continue reading F.Y.I.
Horngry? Ya. Horny + hungry (for peen) = a very out-of-sorts Honeytoes (Of course, "out-of-sorts" = bitch on wheels.) Thanks, CP, for finding the graphic whilst my holes were getting pounded...I just zhuzhed it up a bit. After getting back from my business trip and having had a very bizarre set of texts the day… Continue reading I’m not me when I’m horngry.
I said... Y'all, I don't really know how it happened - or why. PG texted me on Monday afternoon (yesterday) to say that he might be able to see me this week. I was beyond pleased. #obvi Then he said which day would work for him: Thursday. Curses!!! Your girl Honeytoes is going out of… Continue reading ERMAHGERD
Can't a ho get a break? First of all, I hereby officially and forever and ever retract CP's nickname of Seabiscuit for the Tinder date I had today. His name will now be Meh. EABOD, CP! In fact, I may revoke CP's naming privileges forever. #godfuckingdammit Secondly, a restructuring of my peen screening criteria must… Continue reading God. Fucking. Dammit.
(For gaobest, wherever he is...) Oh, but she did. Yes, I went there. Wait, though...In case you are a reader who is unaware of this particular gentleman's likes, let me ask you to read the previous post to orient yourself. You good now? Super...let's move along. My Saturday evening date was the Tinder guy who… Continue reading Oh no she didn’t.
Here I go again...venturing into online "dating" once again. I finally joined Tinder yesterday after someone pointed out that a Facebook profile is not needed to join. I do not have a legit Facebook account (never have), though I do have a fake one to make sure I don't lose my Candy Crush levels. #dontjudgeme… Continue reading My adventures in Tinder
Yes, I said 1988. And what of it? I'm old. We cougars are old - and that is part of our charm. Well, that and our sex drives. Since this #cougar #ho is not getting any #peen for the foreseeable future (God. Dammit. To. Hell. Where you at, PG?!), this flashback is going to have… Continue reading Flashback – 28-May-1988 – Virginity lost and a slut awakened