Minty fresh!

Okay, so I am a drama queen and I might have overreacted when I wrote that I thought that I'd not see PG for quite a long time. Trying to predict his next move is impossible and I can't do it any more. If he wants to see me, I'll leave it to him to…

Y tho?

Okay. I have now determined that the Universe actually and truly is fucking with me. Suck my dick, Universe. In fact, suck a fart, too. Full on. I have been in a #peenless funk since my last visit with PG. It seemed clear to me that that could have been our last visit for a…

Addendum to “The end…?”

As per my usual post-fucking haze, I forgot a few details about last evening's romp with PG. Please enjoy the update. After our makeout sesh, some of my black lipstick had transferred to his lips. It was ridiculously hot. I know, I know...I'm not right in the head. Also, I love seeing him smile. It…

The end…?

Well, yeah. I hope that I am wrong, but I guess we'll have to wait and see, eh. (Hi, CP!!!) After not hearing from PG in a hot minute, this morning when I was trying to herd cats in a work meeting, he texted me a "Yo". I was so involved with work that I…

Displeased AF

Of course I am. Why shouldn't I be? For a few weeks before my last escapade with PG, he was all up in my giblets texting me incessantly. Our last encounter on 22Mar2018 (read about it here and here) was epic. Now? Not a fucking thing, y'all. I sent a few ass pics, accentuating its…

Addendum to ‘A whore-easter’

Sorry, y'all. In my haste to write my latest blog update (click here to see it), I omitted some details. Forgive me. I'm still running on no sleep and slightly losing my mind. PG ripped my bodystocking up my back with his hands when I first presented my ass to him. *Note to self: order…

A whore-easter

You get it, right? Like a Nor'easter?? Don't you people watch The Weather Channel? Here on the east coast of the US, we have suffered four of those bastard storms in the course of three weeks. Hi. It's SPRING now, you fucking cunt, Mother Nature! Knock it the fuck off and go fuck yourself. What…

Stuffed: A tale of 3 dildos

I have been in mourning for my cat Mimi for the last few weeks. We won't go into it, but it has not been a pleasant two weeks for the Honeytoes household. If you add to that the frustration of not getting laid in a hot minute AND not seeing PG since January 2nd (god…

Never

Yesterday morning PG texted me to ask how my cunt and asshole were doing. Getting texts from him out of the blue brings me joy. I replied that my holes were bored and empty. Then I texted, "Fill them" and he replied, "Amen." Then... It was true that I had been working and unable to…

I’d fuck me.

I'd fuck me so hard. I'm not even putting in a link. If you don't know me well enough to know what that is all about, then how are we even friends? I matched with a guy on Tinder recently. We'll call him Jame (as in Jame Gumb - LEARN ME.). We matched right before…

Protected: Oh, the shade of it all

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Wait. What?

I went to the spa this morning and wore no makeup because it would have slid right off of my face in the humidity there. Afterwards, I went to grab a quick bite for lunch even though my face was not beat for the gawds. (food > makeup) There was literally not a stitch of…

“Comfortably numb” addendum

There were a few things that I neglected to include in the last post about my birthday #fuckery with Man Bun. There was pussy slapping. #hurtme After the arm massage, MB massaged my scalp. #bliss #fingersofjoy We fell asleep briefly after the massage and **sigh** he snores. Perhaps this is his only flaw. He left…

Comfortably numb

Like, hi. Indulge me with a few notes here. I am absolutely exhausted. On Saturday night I went to a comedy show and I did not get home and into bed until about 1:30 am on Sunday the 28th. I woke up for my flight on Sunday the 28th at 4:30 am. Three hours of…

Paging Sybil…?

I mean, I'm not officially diagnosed with multiple personality disorder dissociative identity disorder, but a certain friend (yeah, you, CP) thinks I have it. It is true that I go from loving PG to hating him to loving him once again all within a 2-minute span at times. I mean, don't we all do this?…

EABOD, PG.

Yeah, I said it. EABOD, PG. Pfft. He probably would, too, based on the things he has said to me (that I have screenshots of just in case I get proper brassed off one day). Yep, he has said things to me that I guarantee he's told no one else, least of all his girl.…

Jinxed – pretty sure

Well, I'm pretty sure I'll end up jinxing myself by posting here, but I'll share a text conversation I had last week with PG. I do so love when he initiates the texts. I also was mildly amused that my response to his "Yo" was a little bit of #butthurt on his part. Men. Sheesh.…

Flashback – 27-Jan-2017 – The bad day

I'm not going into hella detail on this one because it's my fucking blog and I'll do what the fuck I want. Dammit. If you know all the details of what happened, you'll understand my reluctance to go into all the details. 27-January-2017 started out as a super day. I was traveling home from a…

Searching…searching…

I clearly need more #peen in my life. This much you all know. I'm currently away from my cozy house and lovely cats for one of my jobs. Ugh. I am not going into that mess here because I am lucky that I have two good, full-time jobs to complain about, right? So. As I…

Teeny update

Hi, kids! As I write from the fucking cold-as-fuck Poconos, I thought you'd like to know that I have bought some alone time with Man Bun. I am going to Vegas at the end of this month for my birthday. If you're from FT, you might recall that my birthday last year suuuuuuucked. If you…

Whore-y New Year!

Happy fucking New Year 2018, bitches. I am not a New Year's Resolutions kind of a gal, but perhaps I'll look into acquiring more peen this year. Big peen, obvi. At the top of that big peen list is PG, but as you know, he's hot and heavy with his girl and once they start…

Ho Ho No

No, there's no Christmas miracle up in here. There will be no Christmas #peen for this slut. Fuck this shit. It doesn't seem likely that I'll be getting any #dick till 2018. I've said it before and I'll say it again: For you, dear readers, I can offer you only a very lame attempt at…

My first PG bruise

This is just a teeny update to let you know that my encounter on Monday night resulted in my first PG bruise! I am beyond pleased and I am pretty sure he'll be amused when I tell him. As I was working out this morning, I mentioned to my trainer that my left shoulder blade…

Daddy’s little cumdumpster

Ah. Where shall I begin? Okay, the beginning...that makes sense. In my previous post, PG unexpectedly offered me his cock after I sent him a somewhat amusing photo set including a lit birthday candle in my twat. (It was his birthday, after all!) Of course, he asked me over on a Monday night. This particular…

A candle in the wind…er…pussy??

Let it be known that PG is the King of all the Cunt Teases. #cunttease His birthday was last week and I sent him a birthday text. <nudes sent> My #holes and I attended meetings all day. (I work from home.) It was unpleasant, but it is how I earn money for my cats, shiny…

Disa-peen-ted – I’m rising above.

**sigh** Tonight as I soaked in my delightful bubble bath in my luxurious Aria Sky Suite (#fyl #doingitforthegram #assholesandcunts #clams4life), I asked myself: "Self, should you be a rabid, seething cunt about this evening's turn of events or should you rise above?" **sigh** Hmmm...WWMBD? (What would Miranda Bailey do?) Thank you, Dr. Bailey. I choose…

Addendum to previous Man Bun post

Good morning! Okay, so I just got up and wanted to add a few things about my evening with Man Bun last night. If you didn't read that post, CLICK HERE AND READ IT NOW and then come back to this post. He fucked me stupid, people...my brain just could no longer handle all the…

And after the spanking, the oral sex

I don't really know how to start this post, so why not use a line from Monty Python's The Holy Grail? There's never a bad time for a Monty Python quote. In fairness, though, I think the oral sex came before the spanking this evening. I am beyond exhausted right now, having been awake for…

Pre-Vegas fuckery with PG

An apology is in order. I lied to my biggest cheerleader and totes bestie. In truth, she is also PG's biggest cheerleader. CP, I told you I didn't hear from PG after I texted him on Sunday. Mostly I told you this because of his track record of saying we're going to get together and…

Why am I such a nasty slut?

That's a fine question, innit? Part of the appeal of being used as a #slut comes from the knowledge that most often I am the other woman. I really seem to get off knowing that I'm no more than a dirty secret with highly appealing holes, a particular sexual skill set, and few limits (with…

Flashback – August 1989 – And so it begins

Guys. Seriously. It has been a week since I had peen. A week!! I'm miserable. Twitchy. I'll likely never have sex again. WHY HAVE ALL OF MY GO-TO PEENS FORSAKEN MEEEEE?????? I hate men. Blah, blah, blah... (Does that seem right to you, CP?) When I have thoughts like that, I try to stay calm.…

Oi! Anyone fancy a cuckake?

During my Thanksgiving Vegas trip this week, I was Snapchatting up a storm. It was a little obnoxious, but at least I was Snapping something other than my cats or pics of me with animal ears and whiskers. I do love that Snapchat. This, of course, means that it is no longer cool. One of…

There’s been an incident.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving here in 'Murica and your favorite slut was proper stuffed. (That's how they say it, innit, Nicola? Pissflaps forever!!! Miss you!! Quality.) Oh, how very cliché I am. Yes, I am thankful for peen...only the good peen, though, duh. You know that I search far and wide to find only the best…