It does NOT rub the lotion on its skin…

Perhaps you know that my favorite movie is The Silence of the Lambs. Perhaps you did not know that. Well, now you do and that explains the title of this blog a bit. Stick with me. Yesterday, PG "yo"ed me. I have learned that a "yo" nearly always means peen - at least in PG…

Peen in the time of…coronavirus?

HAPPY SPRING!! Let's take a little break today from all of the coronavirus insanity, shall we? Sit down. Chill out. Grab a libation or one of your quarantine snacks and relax with my little blog. Many of you are probably locked in with your families and I know you need a break. (I'm looking at…

Butthole?

Oh, heeeyyyy. I got out of the shower this morning to an anxious PG. Recall that yesterday I told him I'd send some butthole pics this weekend. He did not forget. I sent him two photos that I considered mediocre at best, but he was thrilled. THRILLED. I had no idea just how desperate and…

On lock down

With all the COVID-19 fearmongering happening right now, I thought that y'all could use a distraction; however, I have no sex story to share. PG did text me today, but that's all I have for you. Sorry 'bout that. In my head, PG is at home also on lock down with Orangina, but he's thinking…

Code word: SYZYGY

First of all, other than "cunt", my favorite word is "syzygy" It pleases me greatly. When and *if* it is determined that PG must be destroyed, I shall deploy this word and CP will proceed to the cutting of bitches, but not today!!! (This is only a drill, CP.) Perhaps this post will be useful…

A misunderstanding

Like, hi. Yesterday PG texted to ask if I would be around today. I told him I have some urgent meetings and whatnot, but I'd be free for an hour at 1:00, right before a meeting with my boss. Since I'd be on the phone all morning, there'd be no time for slutting up, but…

The Rhythm of the Saints

Way, way back when Honeytoes was in college, she was a  super ho. I think that we all know that. During most of the next few years, one guy in particular was the go-to guy when a full-on, proper dicking down was required. Without going totally off the topic here, there were a few albums…

Addendum to Guest blog – Double Buffy update

Oh, hey! Okay, we have Buffy back to address some questions about yesterday's guest blog. Happy reading and we hope that this helps. My comments are in pink. —————– I can understand why the readers are confused. First, with Captain Marvel, we got home from the concert at 2am and I had to work the…

Guest blog – Double Buffy update

Happy 2020, y'all! PG has been actively texting in the last few weeks. His desperation should repulse me, but I find it empowering. He still claims he'll visit soon, but for now, my holes are empty. Stay tuned. Whatever. In the meantime, we have an update from our Buffy. Enjoy! (My commentary is speckled throughout…

Ἀδρήστεια (Adrestia – she who cannot be escaped)

Maybe some of my dear readers are aware that I am Greek. Yassou, y'all! Well, I'm half Greek, really, but whatevs. (Technically, I'm half Lesbian because my dad was born on Lesbos - a beautiful island.) If you look at the Greek side of my family and the German side, you'll clearly see which side…

Afternoon delight

You might recall last week's unexpected textual interaction with PG and his alleged promise that he'd come see me today (at 10:15 am, specifically). I sent a text asking if today was still on. He said he didn't know because "Traffic is fucked today". Ah, great...at least this is a new excuse, right? (What I…

Oh, hai!

I know, I know. It has been a hot minute since there has been an update here. In fact, let me just remind you that is has been well over a year since there was an update about a man putting his hard bits into my soft, pink bits. Yes, it is true. Your girl…

Mini update and Buffy guest blog

Well, hi! It has been a while since I posted anything and my writing fingers were getting stressed. I have not had a peen in over a year and there are no viable prospects on the horizon. I'm not sure I even care. Oh, but wait. The cabana boy at the Vegas hotel where I…

Guest blog with Buffy

Yes, I am still alive. No, I've had no peen. Yes, I am bitter about it. PG and I text now and then, but he's too scared to actually meet up with me. Sorry, PG, but I can't play the text game without benefit of peen. So...yeah...I guess that's that. We had a good run.…

Happy Whore-oween!

No, no, I didn't get laid. Will I ever get laid again? All signs point to no. FUCK YOU, MAGIC EIGHT BALL! Today was Halloween, though, so I took the opportunity to break out the latex and one of my corsets and have some fun. Do note that the black PVC boots and the PVC…

Fuckity, fucking fuckballs

What's good, y'all? I'm back and I have nothing fun to report. I am recovered from my surgery and back from a vacation to Greece. Woo. Ah, but what of PG? Well, I texted the fucking fuckwad today. Can you guess that I have received no satisfaction? Yes, I am bitter, thanks for asking. Pfft.…

He totes texted ME.

Woo fucking hoo, y'all!! PG texted me today to see where I've been. I told him I had a little cosmetic surgery and he probed (pun intended) for details. Long story short: PG is pleased as punch that my ass will look even bigger. I did NOT get a Brazilian butt lift...just some much-needed liposuction.…

Addendum to Guest blogger!

Yep, I have another update. Of course, it is not about me getting any #peen. That won't happen for at least another month, at best. FUCKITY FUCKING FUCKBALLS! This update is to inform y'all about some of the unanswered questions from our recent guest blogger's post the other day. He's provided some additional information for…

Guest blogger!

Hey, y'all! It's your girl Honeytoes here and no, I have not had any adventures. I am recovering from a little cosmetic surgery and it feels like hell. I am bruised, swollen, sore, and in a rather foul mood because I am horny AF. I'm a little bitter. It sucks and it vexes my spirit,…

IDGAF

IDGAF. Me either, girl...me, either. **sigh** …and always remember: Ho is life, y’all! Sluttily yours, Honeytoes #notesfromaslut #honeytoes #hoislife

Adventures of Buffy

Hi, y'all! Honeytoes here (duh)! I have toyed with the idea of guest bloggers before, but no one stepped up. Losers. Ah, but now? I have a volunteer, my IRL friend Buffy. We've known one another for more years than either of us will admit. Anyhoo, she offered up a blog post, so here it…

Oh, no, she di’n’t!

Actually, she did. I did. **sigh** I turned down a meeting with PG tonight. Nope, no one is more surprised than I am, y'all. I' surprised and disappointed. We texted this morning and he said "maybe" for tonight. I know what "maybe" means, so I ate my dinner around 6:30. I normally eat around 4:00…

Hello

I give you my (pathetic) version of Hello...with the humblest of apologies to Adele...   That's what happens when I am bored and peen-deficient. No one wins here, people. No one. Blame PG. He's an ass-faced #cumbubble. PG did text me today after no contact from him since July 7th. Yes, he asked how my…

13 Reasons Why

I have been asked by folks why I think that an encounter with a tranny and PG will never happen. First of all, I don't just think that it won't happen. I know it won't. How do I know this? Let me count the ways. If you have read my blog long enough, you should…

Here we go again

PG was quite interested to hear about last night's fuckery with Man Bun. The texting began early this morning while I was in the spa writing my blog about said escapades. I'm still running on three hours of sleep. Just read the texts and then we'll talk. Obviously, he saw the pics from last night,…

Broken

I told PG weeks and weeks ago that I'd be getting some Man Bun time while in Vegas. I mentioned it once. He clearly remembered because he sent me this text: Ah, Las Vegas...land of spas, debauchery, and Man Bun. It is now July 6th just after midnight Las Vegas time. I am sitting in…

Fuckiversary

Happy 2nd Fuckiversary, PG, wherever you are...Thank you for bringing my inner slut back to life. And as for you, Man Bun, I'll see you in Las Vegas very soon. Come to think of it, Happy (belated) 1st Fuckiversary to you, too. Come back soon, dear readers, so that you can read all about my…

Like a prion

Yes, yes, y'all! I am in PG's brain like a mother fucking prion. Since no one ever seems to click on my links in these posts, go to Google and look up "prion" to see what the hell it is. If you already know? You. Are. My. People. Holla at yo' girl. #HMU I make…

Documented sluttiness since 2017

This is a post to note that it is one year today that I have been writing this blog. #blogiversary I hope that you have been enjoying it. Aw, who are we kidding here? I don't give a crap if anyone enjoys it at all. I like to write and I love to fuck, so…

Fast ‘n’ furious

Yes, yes, it certainly the fuck was. Gather 'round, y'all. For tonight was a fast and furious fuckfest with PG - and GOD DAMN did I need it. I have been antsy since the engagement of PG...figuring that she has moved in and maybe I'd not see him for a long time. At the urging…

Betrothed

Well, it has finally happened, as I knew it eventually would. I was informed by my internet spy ('sup, CP?) that PG is, in fact, engaged. He was in #Vegas when I was there last weekend (yes, he knew I was there). In fact, he asked where I was staying, presumably to make sure that…

It was 30 years ago today…

...that I lost my virginity. (Yes, I know, I'm old. Fuck off.) Hey, John from Wyomissing. What's good? I wonder what happened to him...Oh, you don't know the story? Read all about it by clicking here. Oh, and for you, CP? That scene that we heart from Life of Brian is in that post for…

Still here

Yes, y'all. I am still here. Actually, my "here" right now happens to be Las Vegas. Calm your tits. I am not seeing Man Bun. He showed off a zit on his nose on his Snapchat the other day and I got freaked out by it. I'm getting practically no dick, as I am sure…