A whore-easter

You get it, right? Like a Nor'easter?? Don't you people watch The Weather Channel? Here on the east coast of the US, we have suffered four of those bastard storms in the course of three weeks. Hi. It's SPRING now, you fucking cunt, Mother Nature! Knock it the fuck off and go fuck yourself. What… Continue reading A whore-easter

Stuffed: A tale of 3 dildos

I have been in mourning for my cat Mimi for the last few weeks. We won't go into it, but it has not been a pleasant two weeks for the Honeytoes household. If you add to that the frustration of not getting laid in a hot minute AND not seeing PG since January 2nd (god… Continue reading Stuffed: A tale of 3 dildos

“Comfortably numb” addendum

There were a few things that I neglected to include in the last post about my birthday #fuckery with Man Bun. There was pussy slapping. #hurtme After the arm massage, MB massaged my scalp. #bliss #fingersofjoy We fell asleep briefly after the massage and **sigh** he snores. Perhaps this is his only flaw. He left… Continue reading “Comfortably numb” addendum

Comfortably numb

Like, hi. Indulge me with a few notes here. I am absolutely exhausted. On Saturday night I went to a comedy show and I did not get home and into bed until about 1:30 am on Sunday the 28th. I woke up for my flight on Sunday the 28th at 4:30 am. Three hours of… Continue reading Comfortably numb

Flashback – 27-Jan-2017 – The bad day

I'm not going into hella detail on this one because it's my fucking blog and I'll do what the fuck I want. Dammit. If you know all the details of what happened, you'll understand my reluctance to go into all the details. 27-January-2017 started out as a super day. I was traveling home from a… Continue reading Flashback – 27-Jan-2017 – The bad day

Whore-y New Year!

Happy fucking New Year 2018, bitches. I am not a New Year's Resolutions kind of a gal, but perhaps I'll look into acquiring more peen this year. Big peen, obvi. At the top of that big peen list is PG, but as you know, he's hot and heavy with his girl and once they start… Continue reading Whore-y New Year!

Daddy’s little cumdumpster

Ah. Where shall I begin? Okay, the beginning...that makes sense. In my previous post, PG unexpectedly offered me his cock after I sent him a somewhat amusing photo set including a lit birthday candle in my twat. (It was his birthday, after all!) Of course, he asked me over on a Monday night. This particular… Continue reading Daddy’s little cumdumpster

A candle in the wind…er…pussy??

Let it be known that PG is the King of all the Cunt Teases. #cunttease His birthday was last week and I sent him a birthday text. <nudes sent> My #holes and I attended meetings all day. (I work from home.) It was unpleasant, but it is how I earn money for my cats, shiny… Continue reading A candle in the wind…er…pussy??

Disa-peen-ted – I’m rising above.

**sigh** Tonight as I soaked in my delightful bubble bath in my luxurious Aria Sky Suite (#fyl #doingitforthegram #assholesandcunts #clams4life), I asked myself: "Self, should you be a rabid, seething cunt about this evening's turn of events or should you rise above?" **sigh** Hmmm...WWMBD? (What would Miranda Bailey do?) Thank you, Dr. Bailey. I choose… Continue reading Disa-peen-ted – I’m rising above.

And after the spanking, the oral sex

I don't really know how to start this post, so why not use a line from Monty Python's The Holy Grail? There's never a bad time for a Monty Python quote. In fairness, though, I think the oral sex came before the spanking this evening. I am beyond exhausted right now, having been awake for… Continue reading And after the spanking, the oral sex

Pre-Vegas fuckery with PG

An apology is in order. I lied to my biggest cheerleader and totes bestie. In truth, she is also PG's biggest cheerleader. CP, I told you I didn't hear from PG after I texted him on Sunday. Mostly I told you this because of his track record of saying we're going to get together and… Continue reading Pre-Vegas fuckery with PG

Flashback – August 1989 – And so it begins

Guys. Seriously. It has been a week since I had peen. A week!! I'm miserable. Twitchy. I'll likely never have sex again. WHY HAVE ALL OF MY GO-TO PEENS FORSAKEN MEEEEE?????? I hate men. Blah, blah, blah... (Does that seem right to you, CP?) When I have thoughts like that, I try to stay calm.… Continue reading Flashback – August 1989 – And so it begins

There’s been an incident.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving here in 'Murica and your favorite slut was proper stuffed. (That's how they say it, innit, Nicola? Pissflaps forever!!! Miss you!! Quality.) Oh, how very cliché I am. Yes, I am thankful for peen...only the good peen, though, duh. You know that I search far and wide to find only the best… Continue reading There’s been an incident.

I’m not me when I’m horngry.

Horngry? Ya. Horny + hungry (for peen) = a very out-of-sorts Honeytoes (Of course, "out-of-sorts" = bitch on wheels.) Thanks, CP, for finding the graphic whilst my holes were getting pounded...I just zhuzhed it up a bit. After getting back from my business trip and having had a very bizarre set of texts the day… Continue reading I’m not me when I’m horngry.

God. Fucking. Dammit.

Can't a ho get a break? First of all, I hereby officially and forever and ever retract CP's nickname of Seabiscuit for the Tinder date I had today. His name will now be Meh. EABOD, CP! In fact, I may revoke CP's naming privileges forever. #godfuckingdammit Secondly, a restructuring of my peen screening criteria must… Continue reading God. Fucking. Dammit.

Oh no she didn’t.

(For gaobest, wherever he is...) Oh, but she did. Yes, I went there. Wait, though...In case you are a reader who is unaware of this particular gentleman's likes, let me ask you to read the previous post to orient yourself. You good now? Super...let's move along. My Saturday evening date was the Tinder guy who… Continue reading Oh no she didn’t.