No, no, I didn't get laid. Will I ever get laid again? All signs point to no. FUCK YOU, MAGIC EIGHT BALL! Today was Halloween, though, so I took the opportunity to break out the latex and one of my corsets and have some fun. Do note that the black PVC boots and the PVC… Continue reading Happy Whore-oween!
What's good, y'all? I'm back and I have nothing fun to report. I am recovered from my surgery and back from a vacation to Greece. Woo. Ah, but what of PG? Well, I texted the fucking fuckwad today. Can you guess that I have received no satisfaction? Yes, I am bitter, thanks for asking. Pfft.… Continue reading Fuckity, fucking fuckballs
Woo fucking hoo, y'all!! PG texted me today to see where I've been. I told him I had a little cosmetic surgery and he probed (pun intended) for details. Long story short: PG is pleased as punch that my ass will look even bigger. I did NOT get a Brazilian butt lift...just some much-needed liposuction.… Continue reading He totes texted ME.
Yep, I have another update. Of course, it is not about me getting any #peen. That won't happen for at least another month, at best. FUCKITY FUCKING FUCKBALLS! This update is to inform y'all about some of the unanswered questions from our recent guest blogger's post the other day. He's provided some additional information for… Continue reading Addendum to Guest blogger!
Hey, y'all! It's your girl Honeytoes here and no, I have not had any adventures. I am recovering from a little cosmetic surgery and it feels like hell. I am bruised, swollen, sore, and in a rather foul mood because I am horny AF. I'm a little bitter. It sucks and it vexes my spirit,… Continue reading Guest blogger!
IDGAF. Me either, girl...me, either. **sigh** …and always remember: Ho is life, y’all! Sluttily yours, Honeytoes #notesfromaslut #honeytoes #hoislife
Hi, y'all! Honeytoes here (duh)! I have toyed with the idea of guest bloggers before, but no one stepped up. Losers. Ah, but now? I have a volunteer, my IRL friend Buffy. We've known one another for more years than either of us will admit. Anyhoo, she offered up a blog post, so here it… Continue reading Adventures of Buffy
Actually, she did. I did. **sigh** I turned down a meeting with PG tonight. Nope, no one is more surprised than I am, y'all. I' surprised and disappointed. We texted this morning and he said "maybe" for tonight. I know what "maybe" means, so I ate my dinner around 6:30. I normally eat around 4:00… Continue reading Oh, no, she di’n’t!
I give you my (pathetic) version of Hello...with the humblest of apologies to Adele... That's what happens when I am bored and peen-deficient. No one wins here, people. No one. Blame PG. He's an ass-faced #cumbubble. PG did text me today after no contact from him since July 7th. Yes, he asked how my… Continue reading Hello
I have been asked by folks why I think that an encounter with a tranny and PG will never happen. First of all, I don't just think that it won't happen. I know it won't. How do I know this? Let me count the ways. If you have read my blog long enough, you should… Continue reading 13 Reasons Why
PG was quite interested to hear about last night's fuckery with Man Bun. The texting began early this morning while I was in the spa writing my blog about said escapades. I'm still running on three hours of sleep. Just read the texts and then we'll talk. Obviously, he saw the pics from last night,… Continue reading Here we go again
I told PG weeks and weeks ago that I'd be getting some Man Bun time while in Vegas. I mentioned it once. He clearly remembered because he sent me this text: Ah, Las Vegas...land of spas, debauchery, and Man Bun. It is now July 6th just after midnight Las Vegas time. I am sitting in… Continue reading Broken
Happy 2nd Fuckiversary, PG, wherever you are...Thank you for bringing my inner slut back to life. And as for you, Man Bun, I'll see you in Las Vegas very soon. Come to think of it, Happy (belated) 1st Fuckiversary to you, too. Come back soon, dear readers, so that you can read all about my… Continue reading Fuckiversary
Yes, yes, y'all! I am in PG's brain like a mother fucking prion. Since no one ever seems to click on my links in these posts, go to Google and look up "prion" to see what the hell it is. If you already know? You. Are. My. People. Holla at yo' girl. #HMU I make… Continue reading Like a prion
This is a post to note that it is one year today that I have been writing this blog. #blogiversary I hope that you have been enjoying it. Aw, who are we kidding here? I don't give a crap if anyone enjoys it at all. I like to write and I love to fuck, so… Continue reading Documented sluttiness since 2017
Yes, yes, it certainly the fuck was. Gather 'round, y'all. For tonight was a fast and furious fuckfest with PG - and GOD DAMN did I need it. I have been antsy since the engagement of PG...figuring that she has moved in and maybe I'd not see him for a long time. At the urging… Continue reading Fast ‘n’ furious
Well, it has finally happened, as I knew it eventually would. I was informed by my internet spy ('sup, CP?) that PG is, in fact, engaged. He was in #Vegas when I was there last weekend (yes, he knew I was there). In fact, he asked where I was staying, presumably to make sure that… Continue reading Betrothed
...that I lost my virginity. (Yes, I know, I'm old. Fuck off.) Hey, John from Wyomissing. What's good? I wonder what happened to him...Oh, you don't know the story? Read all about it by clicking here. Oh, and for you, CP? That scene that we heart from Life of Brian is in that post for… Continue reading It was 30 years ago today…
Yes, y'all. I am still here. Actually, my "here" right now happens to be Las Vegas. Calm your tits. I am not seeing Man Bun. He showed off a zit on his nose on his Snapchat the other day and I got freaked out by it. I'm getting practically no dick, as I am sure… Continue reading Still here
Okay, so I am a drama queen and I might have overreacted when I wrote that I thought that I'd not see PG for quite a long time. Trying to predict his next move is impossible and I can't do it any more. If he wants to see me, I'll leave it to him to… Continue reading Minty fresh!
Okay. I have now determined that the Universe actually and truly is fucking with me. Suck my dick, Universe. In fact, suck a fart, too. Full on. I have been in a #peenless funk since my last visit with PG. It seemed clear to me that that could have been our last visit for a… Continue reading Y tho?
As per my usual post-fucking haze, I forgot a few details about last evening's romp with PG. Please enjoy the update. After our makeout sesh, some of my black lipstick had transferred to his lips. It was ridiculously hot. I know, I know...I'm not right in the head. Also, I love seeing him smile. It… Continue reading Addendum to “The end…?”
Well, yeah. I hope that I am wrong, but I guess we'll have to wait and see, eh. (Hi, CP!!!) After not hearing from PG in a hot minute, this morning when I was trying to herd cats in a work meeting, he texted me a "Yo". I was so involved with work that I… Continue reading The end…?
Of course I am. Why shouldn't I be? For a few weeks before my last escapade with PG, he was all up in my giblets texting me incessantly. Our last encounter on 22Mar2018 (read about it here and here) was epic. Now? Not a fucking thing, y'all. I sent a few ass pics, accentuating its… Continue reading Displeased AF
Sorry, y'all. In my haste to write my latest blog update (click here to see it), I omitted some details. Forgive me. I'm still running on no sleep and slightly losing my mind. PG ripped my bodystocking up my back with his hands when I first presented my ass to him. *Note to self: order… Continue reading Addendum to ‘A whore-easter’
You get it, right? Like a Nor'easter?? Don't you people watch The Weather Channel? Here on the east coast of the US, we have suffered four of those bastard storms in the course of three weeks. Hi. It's SPRING now, you fucking cunt, Mother Nature! Knock it the fuck off and go fuck yourself. What… Continue reading A whore-easter
I have been in mourning for my cat Mimi for the last few weeks. We won't go into it, but it has not been a pleasant two weeks for the Honeytoes household. If you add to that the frustration of not getting laid in a hot minute AND not seeing PG since January 2nd (god… Continue reading Stuffed: A tale of 3 dildos
Yesterday morning PG texted me to ask how my cunt and asshole were doing. Getting texts from him out of the blue brings me joy. I replied that my holes were bored and empty. Then I texted, "Fill them" and he replied, "Amen." Then... It was true that I had been working and unable to… Continue reading Never
I'd fuck me so hard. I'm not even putting in a link. If you don't know me well enough to know what that is all about, then how are we even friends? I matched with a guy on Tinder recently. We'll call him Jame (as in Jame Gumb - LEARN ME.). We matched right before… Continue reading I’d fuck me.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I went to the spa this morning and wore no makeup because it would have slid right off of my face in the humidity there. Afterwards, I went to grab a quick bite for lunch even though my face was not beat for the gawds. (food > makeup) There was literally not a stitch of… Continue reading Wait. What?
There were a few things that I neglected to include in the last post about my birthday #fuckery with Man Bun. There was pussy slapping. #hurtme After the arm massage, MB massaged my scalp. #bliss #fingersofjoy We fell asleep briefly after the massage and **sigh** he snores. Perhaps this is his only flaw. He left… Continue reading “Comfortably numb” addendum
Like, hi. Indulge me with a few notes here. I am absolutely exhausted. On Saturday night I went to a comedy show and I did not get home and into bed until about 1:30 am on Sunday the 28th. I woke up for my flight on Sunday the 28th at 4:30 am. Three hours of… Continue reading Comfortably numb