First of all, let me wish one of my readers (maybe my number one fan) a happy birthday. Gao? This is for you. I hope that my little blog post and some new and previously unknown-to-me details about PG (!!!!) bring a smile to your face.
As a rabid Cumosexual, I say this: Let’s get after it! (Yes, I’d fuck those Cuomo brothers blue.)
I…well. I find myself unable to form a coherent thought following today’s interaction with PG. Perhaps I inhaled a little too deeply when I THOROUGHLY disinfected my bathroom with the most chemically-smelling thing I could find in my house. Maybe I didn’t exit the bathroom quickly enough after turning on the UVC light sanitizing lamp and I fried some brain cells. I don’t know.
What I do know is that if you are a pearl-clutching type, it would be best for you to stop reading and go call your mother. Truly.
Well, maybe it isn’t so bad if you’re reading about my Friday afternoon.
Maybe…but…I was fucking THERE, man!
Let me just add some of the texts we shared yesterday for background.
Here we go again with his tinkle fantasy. PG has been asking for this for a few years. We have never gotten around to it and I didn’t really care either way. There would be only two reasons to do this: (1) because PG wants it (and y’all know that I’ll do anything he wants) and (2) to check another thing off of my purity test score. Can your purity test score be negative….?
PG was up very early today to drive to a potential job site somewhere in Virginia. He checked things out and then turned right around to drive to my house for some fun.
He opened the door to my room and he said hi. He immediately started stripping. I wore only a pink g-string. I smiled and said, “I’m so glad you’re here! I have to pee!” I figured that there would be some dick sucking and whatnot and then maybe the pee stuff. I was mistaken.
A nearly naked (underwear, but no boots or socks) PG ushered me into my bathroom….my lovely spa-like bathroom….so clean and lovely…freshly cleaned and sanitized. Pristine. It was all for naught.
He told me to get into the shower and to get on my knees facing him. This is when I noticed that he was wearing dog tags. Huh? Was he in the military?? “What is that,” I asked. “Dog tags,” he said with a sort of scrunched-up face, a little puzzled. Focus, Honeytoes, FOCUS!!!
He removed his underwear. PG was standing just outside the shower and then he got up onto the little platform. I reached up for his cock and he said, “No hands.” Okay….I can suck a dick without my hands. He had a smile on his face like I have never before seen. He knew something that I did not. “Open your mouth. Wider!” “God, you are so fucking hot,” said he. I was trying to get that cock into my mouth, to no avail. PG was stroking his cock and then it began. So. Much. Pee. On. Me.
I said: IN ME.
(That Nene gif is for you, CP!!!)
PG, that fuck, released a stream of urine onto me the likes of which I have not seen since I visited my friend’s farm in Chester County. She breeds thoroughbred horses.
My mouth was open and it was being filled with so much pee that it was overflowing onto my chest and drizzling onto my back. And? It got on my hair! SON OF A DICK. Here are a few things to know about Honeytoes:
- Do not fuck with my cats.
- Do not fuck with my family.
- Do not fuck with a good hair day…or my hair at all, really. Don’t touch my hair. Don’t ask to brush my hair. I didn’t think that I’d ever need to add “Don’t fucking piss on my hair” to my list of “don’ts”.
Live and learn, eh?
PG got his tinkle in my hair. IN MY HAIR. Had I been warned, I feel confident that a very quickly applied Invisibobble would have rescued my curls from his urine-ific (tinkle-tastic?) assault.
I know you sick fucks want to know what it tasted like. Well. It was hella salty…like some kind of demonic electrolyte-filled drink that bush doctors give you if you get massive diarrhea while on safari or something. I also would say it had the slight tinge of coffee. It was so warm. Duh. It was body temperature…but it was like fire in my mouth.
Did I swallow? Jesus suffering fuck. HELL TO THE FUCKING NO. I’m sure something must have slid down my throat, but I’m trying to un-remember that bit. I did, however, spit out some that remained in my mouth right onto PG. It didn’t faze him, of course, and he kept peeing.
In my head, I was screaming, “HOW MUCH FUCKING LONGER ARE YOU GOING TO PEE, MAN?!?!?!?” I persevered, however, so that I’d have a good birthday blog post for Gao.
Um, Gao? I hate you.
After he finally stopped pissing, I was so happy. I made it!!! I stood up and he reached behind me to turn on the shower to clean me of his pee pee. FUCK! The water was freezing cold, but at least it was clean. I was clean again…and wet. My pink g-string was covered in PG pee, so I took it off and put it on the shower floor under the shower bench.
I feel like PG’s modus operandi is to make me dirty and then to clean me of his funk. In case I have never mentioned it, he used to detail cars. His house is meticulously clean and organized (or at least it was when I was allowed to go there in pre-Orangina times). He doesn’t even like to put my towels on the floor. He folds them and places them neatly on the sink counter. He also dries out my sink after he uses it. I do that as well….it prevents hard water stains from appearing!
He didn’t skip a beat and he got into the shower and sat on the shower bench. PG’s cock was completely engorged. He was stroking it as he asked me to piss on his cock. I put my right foot up onto the shower bench and let loose my own stream of Honeytoes’ liquid gold all over his Majestic Peen™. He stroked furiously as I did so. Freak. Even my waste products turn him on, eh?
In preparation for today’s festivities, I had consumed approximately 50 ounces of water, so there was an impressive amount spewing out of me. (Fun fact: Back when I was a professional Dominatrix, my golden nectar would have earned me a healthy tribute from one of my boys. I like PG enough that I gave him a freebie.) I hope that this doesn’t become a new thing that we do…like the stairs…
When my stream ceased, PG turned me around and pulled my ass onto his cock. (I must remember to thank my contractor for the incredibly sturdy shower bench…and my personal trainer for working out my quads.) I was reverse cowgirling him in my formerly pristine shower. It was like fucking in a urinal. The smell of pee was not to be believed.
There was so much pee and water on the floor of the shower that it was difficult to get a good grip. I was pretty sure that we’d slip and die in my shower. We, ourselves, did not, but I was cautious with each move I made. Naked and covered in PG’s urine is not the way I want to be hauled onto an ambulance.
PG wrapped his arms around me and was pulling me against him. (Yes, I had fully prepped to receive him inside of my ass.) It felt so dirty and so good. He kept saying, “Fuck me, my whore!” We changed positions so that I was bent over the bench, presenting my ass to PG who stood behind me. (I should have made the shower larger, in hindsight….though, really, how frequently will I be in there with anyone other than myself, right?)
He stopped and asked me to get on my knees, with my hands outside the shower on the memory foam (thank goodness) bathmat. (It was at this point that I saw his underwear on the bathroom floor: navy boxer briefs with “Kenneth Cole Reaction” in red thread on the waistband.) My ass was high in the air and he entered me from behind. PG started in my ass and then moved to my pussy. I arched my back as much as possible and he moved back into my ass. I felt him moving around like he was reaching for something. That something, as it turned out, was my soiled g-string.
PG took his cock out of my ass and said, “This is going into your asshole,” and he gently eased my g-string inside of me. Um. In truth, I’m not sure what the point of that was, but at least it wasn’t more piss play. PG rammed his cock inside of my pussy, with the g-string still in my ass. He was revived and I have to say that it felt incredible.
He had already been at my place for a good 20 minutes or so at this point. I was surprised that he didn’t just come in, do the pee thing, and quickly make his exit. He had to get back home by 4:00. Er…good luck with that, PG!
As he continued fucking my pussy, I felt him pulling the g-string out of me slowly. It was more ass fucking after that. When he came on my back, he almost yelled! I guess I was just what he needed.
He advised me to stand carefully and he again turned on the shower. I got under the water and PG gently wiped his spunk off of my back with his hand. What a gentleman! I then got out and put on my ill-gotten bathrobe from the hotel where I took Giggy: The Logan. (They are really cool! They’re grey sweatshirt material with a hood – like a boxer’s robe. It is the whole Rocky thing…You know, Rocky was filmed in Philadelphia, blah, blah, blah…)
I watched him bitch about the cold water. Then I had to explain the reason I didn’t get a tankless water heater (hard water). I dislike soft water because I feel like I can’t get a good rinse, so I never wanted the softener….so….no tankless water heater for me. PG agreed with my decision, also hating soft water.
I watched him cringe each time the water hit him until it finally reached a suitable temperature. He was all soapy and very, very happy….laughing and smiling the whole time…even while bitching about the water temperature. PG turned off the water and I handed him a white towel. As I watched him dry himself, I noted that he was wearing his wedding ring. He got out of the shower and started to fold the towel. I said that I have a bunch of laundry to do, so he could put it on the floor. That bothered him and we had a brief discussion about heathens who just crumble up towels and drop them on the floor.
As he got dressed, we talked about the TV show “Ancient Aliens”. It happened to be on my TV at the time. We both agree that there’s intelligent life out there in the universe, but they’re smart enough to avoid this planet.
I opened the bedroom door and the kitten was waiting outside for her PG scritches. He obliged her and she slutted for him with her coos and head butts.
I walked down the stairs with him. He kissed me on my red, piss-flavored lips. I asked when he’s coming back and I don’t think it will be for a while. He is traveling to California and Maine, and some other places. I hope that he stays safe and doesn’t bring back the ‘rona!
Would you like to hear a few fun facts about PG? Here we go!
For 4 years, he was in ROTC in high school. Those were HIS actual dog tags from when he was in the Marines. He was going to be a sniper (he’d have been a good one from what I can see), but during some physical activity during boot camp, he fell and hurt himself. After being in the infirmary for two weeks to heal, he was not allowed to continue his training because of something with his back – maybe herniated discs. Of course, now all I can think about is PG in a Marine uniform. Christ. I’m glad he didn’t get into the military. I mean, this motherfucker is 6’6″ tall. He wouldn’t be able to hide from the enemy!
Aw, crap….there was something else, I think, but I forgot what the hell it was. Before finishing this blog, I got sucked into a YouTube rabbit hole of Randy Rainbow videos and SNL’s Black Jeopardy. “Let’s go with FID’NA for two hund’ed.” I totally lost my train of thought. Dammit.
So. There you have it. I participated in piss play. I’m going to go re-take that purity test to see if I dropped a few points now!
One thing: If you know who Gao is, wish him a happy birthday!!! 🙂
…and always remember: Ho is life, y’all!
#notesfromaslut #honeytoes #hoislife