This teeny update is meant to let y'all know that: I am considering password protecting certain posts in the future (in case I post a photo of my huge ass or something that I don't want my actual IRL friends to see - also considering posting dick pics for shits and giggles). If I institute… Continue reading F.Y.I.
Horngry? Ya. Horny + hungry (for peen) = a very out-of-sorts Honeytoes (Of course, "out-of-sorts" = bitch on wheels.) Thanks, CP, for finding the graphic whilst my holes were getting pounded...I just zhuzhed it up a bit. After getting back from my business trip and having had a very bizarre set of texts the day… Continue reading I’m not me when I’m horngry.
I said... Y'all, I don't really know how it happened - or why. PG texted me on Monday afternoon (yesterday) to say that he might be able to see me this week. I was beyond pleased. #obvi Then he said which day would work for him: Thursday. Curses!!! Your girl Honeytoes is going out of… Continue reading ERMAHGERD
Can't a ho get a break? First of all, I hereby officially and forever and ever retract CP's nickname of Seabiscuit for the Tinder date I had today. His name will now be Meh. EABOD, CP! In fact, I may revoke CP's naming privileges forever. #godfuckingdammit Secondly, a restructuring of my peen screening criteria must… Continue reading God. Fucking. Dammit.
(For gaobest, wherever he is...) Oh, but she did. Yes, I went there. Wait, though...In case you are a reader who is unaware of this particular gentleman's likes, let me ask you to read the previous post to orient yourself. You good now? Super...let's move along. My Saturday evening date was the Tinder guy who… Continue reading Oh no she didn’t.
Here I go again...venturing into online "dating" once again. I finally joined Tinder yesterday after someone pointed out that a Facebook profile is not needed to join. I do not have a legit Facebook account (never have), though I do have a fake one to make sure I don't lose my Candy Crush levels. #dontjudgeme… Continue reading My adventures in Tinder
Yes, I said 1988. And what of it? I'm old. We cougars are old - and that is part of our charm. Well, that and our sex drives. Since this #cougar #ho is not getting any #peen for the foreseeable future (God. Dammit. To. Hell. Where you at, PG?!), this flashback is going to have… Continue reading Flashback – 28-May-1988 – Virginity lost and a slut awakened
First of all, THIS IS NOT A FLASHBACK!!!!! Second? Check back in a day or so because it is almost 3:00 a.m. and I am delirious...I might remember some little tidbits and edit this post. edited to add: In case you were wondering, apparently my "asshole smells and tastes perfect" - at least per Plane… Continue reading Another one bites the dust (and your little friend, too!)
It pains your slut Honeytoes that yet another Flashback is being posted here. Trust me: I'd rather have a new slutty adventure for y'all, but I'm in a dry spell. My two favorite cocks are practically impossible to obtain...One has a gf and a crazy work schedule and the other is on the other side… Continue reading Flashback: 20-Apr-2017 – Tossed salad for two
I saw PG tonight. I sent him an ass pic midway through the day, but didn’t hear back from him. He always responds to dirty pics from me. I figured he was busy working and around 3:00, I began my partial prep for tonight. I didn’t put on my makeup or put my hair into… Continue reading Flashback: 16-Mar-2017 – There’s my slut!
This post covers the 3 days that Master stayed with me in my home. What does this mean to you, my dear readers? It means that my thoughts are garbled (along with my pink bits) and that I might forget some details. Give a slut a break, okay? I've been used hard for 3 days...thank… Continue reading FulFILLed slut
That's right, kids! Honeytoes went a ho-in' tonight - September 11th. It was rather unexpected and I find that the best sex is the unexpected kind. I haven't had sex since Man Bun on August 25th. Ugh. I swear that I have no idea how I lasted without sex for 7 years before meeting PG,… Continue reading Goin’ ho-in’!
Hoku? Yeah, hoku. Get it? I just made it up, guys. It is like haiku, but it is about my #holife. Hoku. You heard it here first. Understand that I am not a poet, but since I'm getting no #peen right now, this is all I have. #FML Someone, please send me some D. I'm… Continue reading Hoku
Son of a dick I swear to god that I am a #fucktard. I'm a big-dick-loving, moron-believing ninny. You heard it here first...that is, of course, unless maybe you've spoken with Plane Guy - 'cause I surely haven't. He's doing me dirty, dear readers, and not the "dirty" that I crave. It has been over… Continue reading A twofer! — Son of a dick / Guess who’s coming to dinner?
Ahhhhh, Man Bun. How do I fuck thee? Let me count the ways... As expected, my hair did not cooperate today and my shoes hurt, but in order not to disappoint my readers, your #slut Honeytoes persevered and went through with her date. You're welcome. #toughslut Man Bun showed up one minute late, but as… Continue reading Good vibes – The return of Man Bun
After the putative January 2017 ghosting episode with PG, I had a big, fat sad. I swore off men and sex forever and ever...and then...? I got a bee in my bonnet and decided that the last guy I fucked would NOT be the nasty Boston guy. Oh, hell, naw!!! I would get a man… Continue reading Flashback: 11 & 12-Feb-2017 – Getting Giggy with it
Per a request, here's a little Flashback (with non-flashback bits, too) for your reading pleasure since it seems unlikely that I'll getting any #peen till I see Man Bun next week...Mmmmmmmm...Man Bun peen all up in my warm, wet holes...Onward. Here's a new twist in my Plane Guy story. He texted me this morning saying… Continue reading Flashback: 21-Jan-2017 – Pre-ghosting text fest with PG
Come on, y’all. I’m joking. I was not being held captive, as one of my friends joked in her slightly panicked texts to me. Sheesh. I was not joking about the "face down, ass up" bit, though. I started this post on my flight home (the LAS-ORD leg) and I am happy to report that… Continue reading Captivity: Day 2 – Face down, ass up
Right. Today is Saturday. I'm still in Vegas with Master and I'm not dead yet, nor have I been made into a skin suit for my tormentor. First let me tell you about my Uber ride to his house yesterday. I never shared an Uber ride before, so I thought since I am already living… Continue reading Knife to meet you…
Yes, I am writing this post on my way to Las Vegas to meet a relative stranger. He will use me in any way he sees fit. He will fuck me anytime he wants, wherever he pleases, and in any manner of his choosing. If he wants to slap me or beat me, he will.… Continue reading Oh, it’s happening, sweetheart!
I mean, is he? A wanker, I mean. Is PG just a #wanker offering up more and more perverse fantasies via text as he rubs out a quick one? Am I falling for his #wank bait? I don't know. I mean, I think I know. I think that his texts are the truth. Oy vey.… Continue reading Just a wanker?
Yes, this is another oldie previously posted on the other site. Since I haven't see PG in a hot minute (Booooo! You whore!), this is all I have to work with, y'all. Jesus, I need some #peen. Oh, wait...I'll be getting that this weekend...Here's the old post from my 22Jan17 visit - the last one… Continue reading Flashback: 22-Jan-2017 – In your colander?!
My fabulous Aussie friend texted me this little gem today. She. Gets. Me. So. Hard. Love you, Shazza! Wanna share Plane Guy with me in November? 😉 …and always remember: Ho is life, y’all! Sluttily yours, Honeytoes #notesfromaslut #honeytoes #hoislife
We didn't fuck. His dick went flop. Fucking hell. Raindrop did not live up to the hype of his peen pics. Maybe it was first-time jitters. Maybe it was that he's a functional drunk (his words). Your Honeytoes tried every trick in her dick sucking book, but only a partial chub happened. He did eventually… Continue reading Raindrop. Drop top.
I mean. Y'all. I - I - I - I mean...Holy. Flaming. Shit nipples. *sigh* Okay, calm down, Honeytoes. Let's just breathe here. *sigh* Oh. Wait. Before we get into this, let me just give you a little interesting piece of information about today. If you don't already hate PG, this ought to seal the… Continue reading Surprise, surprise, surprise!
Yes, the title is a reference to Air Supply. Shut up. My Plane Guy was in rare form tonight. Rare. And yes, I said MY Plane Guy. He asked me to show up looking like a total whore, per usual. I obliged by wearing glitter on my eyelids (because a ho loves glitter more than… Continue reading Flashback: 23-May-2017 – Love and other bruises
...to make a ho. It does. One cannot #ho on her own. A ho without dick is not a ho, after all. This ho has been busy recently. Last night I met a guy from #AFF. No, I'm not on AFF any more, but I am still talking to a few guys via #Kik. I… Continue reading It takes a village…
I believe that I mentioned that this blog would be a combination of my current sexual hijinks and some older stories. (For those of you here from FT, you will see the posts that were on my closed thread, but without asterisks.) Since I can't be sure when my next sexual liaison will be (dammit… Continue reading Flashback: 1-Jun-2017 – #buttstuffthursday
Here are some of the reasons why Stretch was blocked from my phone before he even got to his car. Showed up late wearing shorts and sneakers. I'm sorry...did I disturb you in the middle of your #sportsball game? I wore a lovely off-the-shoulder dress (I looked so #fetch - two young girls at the… Continue reading K bye
...well, fuck. I'm not entirely sure WHAT happened. You see, my friends, I was minding my own business, as I am wont to do. I posted a pic on Instagram of my new gym (barf) saying that working out sucks - 'cause it does, especially for fat shits like me. I get relatively few likes… Continue reading What had happened was…
I'm pretty sure that this post will make many (all?) of you uncomfortable and that you might never talk to me or read my blog ever again. If so, that's a shame, but I'm already over it. If not, then let me know...we should totes hang out in real life!! You must be as sick… Continue reading I need you.
Since PG stood me up last week (dammit to hell), I have had to tell myself every single day: DO. NOT. TEXT. HIM. I told myself to wait till he texts me...if he texts me. Be strong. It is a struggle, to be sure. My brain gets stuck on thoughts and it won't let them… Continue reading Prelude to a fuck
I am on AFF not to date, but to find a tolerable guy with a delightfully large penis to fuck me now and then - or maybe just once. A relationship that involves brunch, spending the night, vacationing together, or just generally hanging out while not having sex is not what I seek. That's boyfriend/girlfriend… Continue reading Slow your roll, Stretch.