Yes, I am still alive. No, I've had no peen. Yes, I am bitter about it. PG and I text now and then, but he's too scared to actually meet up with me. Sorry, PG, but I can't play the text game without benefit of peen. So...yeah...I guess that's that. We had a good run.… Continue reading Guest blog with Buffy
Yep, I have another update. Of course, it is not about me getting any #peen. That won't happen for at least another month, at best. FUCKITY FUCKING FUCKBALLS! This update is to inform y'all about some of the unanswered questions from our recent guest blogger's post the other day. He's provided some additional information for… Continue reading Addendum to Guest blogger!
Hey, y'all! It's your girl Honeytoes here and no, I have not had any adventures. I am recovering from a little cosmetic surgery and it feels like hell. I am bruised, swollen, sore, and in a rather foul mood because I am horny AF. I'm a little bitter. It sucks and it vexes my spirit,… Continue reading Guest blogger!
Hi, y'all! Honeytoes here (duh)! I have toyed with the idea of guest bloggers before, but no one stepped up. Losers. Ah, but now? I have a volunteer, my IRL friend Buffy. We've known one another for more years than either of us will admit. Anyhoo, she offered up a blog post, so here it… Continue reading Adventures of Buffy
I'd fuck me so hard. I'm not even putting in a link. If you don't know me well enough to know what that is all about, then how are we even friends? I matched with a guy on Tinder recently. We'll call him Jame (as in Jame Gumb - LEARN ME.). We matched right before… Continue reading I’d fuck me.
Yesterday was Thanksgiving here in 'Murica and your favorite slut was proper stuffed. (That's how they say it, innit, Nicola? Pissflaps forever!!! Miss you!! Quality.) Oh, how very cliché I am. Yes, I am thankful for peen...only the good peen, though, duh. You know that I search far and wide to find only the best… Continue reading There’s been an incident.
Can't a ho get a break? First of all, I hereby officially and forever and ever retract CP's nickname of Seabiscuit for the Tinder date I had today. His name will now be Meh. EABOD, CP! In fact, I may revoke CP's naming privileges forever. #godfuckingdammit Secondly, a restructuring of my peen screening criteria must… Continue reading God. Fucking. Dammit.
(For gaobest, wherever he is...) Oh, but she did. Yes, I went there. Wait, though...In case you are a reader who is unaware of this particular gentleman's likes, let me ask you to read the previous post to orient yourself. You good now? Super...let's move along. My Saturday evening date was the Tinder guy who… Continue reading Oh no she didn’t.
Here I go again...venturing into online "dating" once again. I finally joined Tinder yesterday after someone pointed out that a Facebook profile is not needed to join. I do not have a legit Facebook account (never have), though I do have a fake one to make sure I don't lose my Candy Crush levels. #dontjudgeme… Continue reading My adventures in Tinder
...to make a ho. It does. One cannot #ho on her own. A ho without dick is not a ho, after all. This ho has been busy recently. Last night I met a guy from #AFF. No, I'm not on AFF any more, but I am still talking to a few guys via #Kik. I… Continue reading It takes a village…
Here are some of the reasons why Stretch was blocked from my phone before he even got to his car. Showed up late wearing shorts and sneakers. I'm sorry...did I disturb you in the middle of your #sportsball game? I wore a lovely off-the-shoulder dress (I looked so #fetch - two young girls at the… Continue reading K bye
...well, fuck. I'm not entirely sure WHAT happened. You see, my friends, I was minding my own business, as I am wont to do. I posted a pic on Instagram of my new gym (barf) saying that working out sucks - 'cause it does, especially for fat shits like me. I get relatively few likes… Continue reading What had happened was…
I am on AFF not to date, but to find a tolerable guy with a delightfully large penis to fuck me now and then - or maybe just once. A relationship that involves brunch, spending the night, vacationing together, or just generally hanging out while not having sex is not what I seek. That's boyfriend/girlfriend… Continue reading Slow your roll, Stretch.
I still have my profile on AFF. Maybe I'm actually a #masochist, not a #sadist. I was given a free upgrade to the gold level, so I can now see peoples' profiles. It is fascinating and horrifying at the same time. Y'all, I'm seeing more cocks that Frank Perdue. It's like seeing a bad accident...you… Continue reading The AFF Fuckwit Parade – I. Just. Cannot. Even.
AdultFriendFinder continues to disgust and confuse me. Men clearly do not read what I am looking for, so I ignore nearly all of the messages I receive. When many message me, their messages are one or two words - or letters. "Hi." "Nice tits." "Fun!" "wyd" Dammit, give me something to work with here, people.… Continue reading What in the actual fuck?
Truer words have never been written. Well, maybe they have been, but whatever. I'm not feeling particularly inspired right now. Let me tell you about my evening with the Fetus. It wasn't really an entire evening. It was just about 2 hours. That was quite enough. I had to meet him at a restaurant instead… Continue reading It’s all fun and games till someone rips a clit.
I have been chatting with a few guys on AFF. The Fetus: 20 years old. In college studying accounting. Not sure of his actual name. The Moose: 22 years old. Not sure if he has a job, but his cock is huge. Scary huge. Moose huge. The AFF Hockey Boy (AFFHB): 33 years old. Plays… Continue reading AFF update
Let me just say. AFF can suck my ass. The guys there get all pissy when you tell them "thanks, but no thanks". Awww, did I hurt your feelings, snowflake? You're precious. How do you think I felt all those years when I'd go to meet you in person and you'd see me and just… Continue reading …and the horse you rode in on, mister!!
Online dating is not really my thing. I don't want to date anyone. I'm not a relationship girl...never have been, frankly. My goal is to find a hot guy to fuck. Preferably, the guy is hung. That's all I want. I tried match.com last year (following my sexual re-awakening courtesy of Plane Guy) and it… Continue reading Online cesspool of dating and hook-up sites