Yes, y’all. I am still here. Actually, my “here” right now happens to be Las Vegas. Calm your tits. I am not seeing Man Bun. He showed off a zit on his nose on his Snapchat the other day and I got freaked out by it.
I’m getting practically no dick, as I am sure you guessed by the lack of new posts up in this bitch. I find it vexing; however, I’m not sure how to fix it. Last week I deleted my Tinder profile. The guys I matched with there never resulted in anything other than unanswered messages and my annoyance. I’m certainly not going back into the AFF cesspool, either. No, thank you!
There are two guys I text with on occasion – one I met at Starbucks last summer. The other I might have scared…He wants to eat my ass and nap with me. (Oh, snap!! I know someone who would love to nap with him…paging corky…) If they’re reading this, HELLO!!!!!! If not, then fuck the both of them. Timing just never seems to work with either guy. #godfuckingdammit
I suppose another alternative is to lower my standards and fuck any dude who asks. Um. No. I’ll go another 7 years without sex rather than fucking some funky dude just to get it in. Maybe I could stumble onto some peen while I am out in the world. Nope. I work from home and I work 16 hours a day. I go to the gym three days a week to see my trainer, but that is at 5:00 AM and I don’t have my face on. I roll out of bed, brush my teeth, put my hair up, and drive there. It is not cute. Not even a blind man would want any of me without my face on, I tell ya. I’m a fucking fright. The only places I go regularly are the grocery store and the nail salon. No men there.
PG texted me last Tuesday and I even began “the prep” (riding the Minty Fresh E-train and beating my face) on Thursday afternoon since he alleged that he was “90% sure” that he could see me on Thursday night. What happened? I’m pretty sure you know that already, but I’ll paraphrase: “Hey, doll. Work is a shitshow. Gonna have to be another time.” Fuckity fucking fuckholes. I was displeased because I had a cool idea for something new with my makeup, as he requested (“very excessive and unique”). I won’t post it here until I actually do it, but I know PG will love it. #dirtyho #slutonamission I thought that my makeup looked lovely, so I sent a pic to PG. He replied, “That is such a hot pic.” So….there’s that, I guess. #ytho
I took a lovely bath this afternoon and sent PG a provocative pic of my thick thighs and fat pussy. He replied almost immediately, “Whoa.” He asked if I would be getting any dick. Uh, no, I won’t. I was told to “Go out and find some”. Oh, shit, PG! Why didn’t I think of that myself? #fucktard Do you understand how hard it is for a single (older and thick) female to go find random dick in a city where nearly everyone is coupled or part of a big group? PG doesn’t understand it. #obvi #assface It is somewhat adorable that *he* thinks that I am so hot that I can just go out and find guys to fuck me. #blesshisheart
Even though there seems to be no dick for me, I am still a SLUT. Don’t get it twisted.
That teacup? Yeah, I ordered it from the UK. I also have a purple one that has CUNT on it. #cunt
I’m just on a temporary hiatus. Er…I said that waaaaaay back in 2009 and THAT turned into my 7-year sexual hiatus that was mercifully broken by Plane Guy in July 2016. Good times. We’re coming up on our 2-year #fuckiversary – not that he remembers or that it means anything to anyone except for me.
…and always remember: Ho is life, y’all!
#notesfromaslut #honeytoes #hoislife