I’d fuck me.

I’d fuck me so hard. I’m not even putting in a link. If you don’t know me well enough to know what that is all about, then how are we even friends?

I matched with a guy on Tinder recently. We’ll call him Jame (as in Jame Gumb – LEARN ME.). We matched right before my trip to Vegas, so we decided to meet my next weekend home. I liked his face pics on his profile, but my interest was piqued when he shared a few dick pics with me. It appeared that he had a fatty. Yaasssss!! I forget his exact job, but it is something fitness-related and he has a very good body. He is not as tall as I like and his teeth are not my ideal (#snaggletooth), but in my search for #bigpeen, I gave him a pass. (I cannot live on PG peen alone. I mean, I could, but not with weeks and sometimes months between our visits. Dammit.)

We met at a local Mexican restaurant. He was right on time. If you want to piss me off, show up late. I find that to be one of the worst things one can do…even worse than sending fake dick pics. Your time is no more important than my time, dammit. He walked in and I stood up to give him a hug. I wore heels and was nearly as tall as he was, but his broad shoulders pleased me and we were shown to our table. He had actually made a reservation for us! I like a planner. When we hugged, I noted that he had no scent. What is it with scentless men? Onward.

Our conversation was great. It became more amusing when the other tables in our small room emptied and we could speak freely. I even read him an excerpt from my blog. I watched him shift uncomfortably in his chair. I could see there was something going on in his fitted pants and it pleased me greatly. It turns out that we also share the same taste in movies. (CP: I think you already know which movie we both love.) I truly have no idea if a guy is into me until, well, he is in me, but after some time, we decided he would come back to my place. What sealed the deal?? Well, it was his offer to tuck his dick back and dance to “Goodbye Horses” for me. Spoiler alert: He didn’t actually do it, but the mere knowledge of that scene was good enough for me. He followed me the 4 or so miles back to my place. I gave him the mini tour and we ended up in my bedroom with my two terrified cats, who were hiding under the bed. Poor things.

We had been talking about our favorite movies earlier and I decided that instead of music I would play one of them on my iPod. Yes, I have a classic iPod and a Bose docking station speaker thingy. What of it? I pressed PLAY and there it was: The Silence of the Lambs. I stepped over to him and he pulled me into him and began kissing me. He is a good kisser. When I was against his body, I felt his hard cock against me. Jame reached down and put his hand into my jeans, over my black thong. As we kissed, my hands explored his body to see if his photos matched what I saw right there in person. Yep, they matched. Jame has broad shoulders and big, muscular arms. He is solid…not as tall as I prefer (PG is 6’6″ and Man Bun is 6’1″), but solid.

He moved his hands into my thong and played with my pussy, which was already drenched. I can’t help it. She has a mind of her own – my pussy, I mean. If she wants to fuck, she wants to fuck and I can’t stop her. Jame played with my clit and then he finger fucked me vigorously while we were still standing. My legs were weak and shaky, but he held me up. Hmmm…he’s strong. Yo, he made me cum a few times before we even got to the bed.

Finally we shimmied over to the bed and he finger banged the squirt right on outta me…several times. Dammit. Now I have to change my sheets. I mean, the boy can work a cunt. I say “boy” because he is 12 years my junior. #cougar #cub #getitgirl He also slipped a finger into my ass for good measure.

There was surprisingly more kissing than I thought there would be. I didn’t hate it, but it is not something that I typically do. Perhaps I will make it mandatory…I’m not sure how PG would feel about that.

Finally I told him to feed me his cock and he obliged, shoving it into my mouth. I was on my back and stayed that way briefly, but I quickly asked him to lie on his back. I had a much better position to work his dick like a proper ho. Of all the recent cock I’ve had, Jame holds a respectable third place in the size category. Man Bun is next up, and PG is at the top (duh). #sizequeen

With Jame on his back, I was kneeling between his legs, taking his thickness into my mouth. He has a two-hand peen (like PG and Man Bun). My mouth and both hands were used all at the same time. Some guys are one-handers and I shall not entertain such individuals any longer. He reacted well to extra stimulation of his dick head. I asked him to take pics of the proceedings throughout the night and he did so – sort of. There are a few pictures that are decent enough to send to PG, but Jame kept hitting the movie button. Dammit. If I want to share those with PG, I’ll have to edit them for time and lower the resolution. DAMMIT. Or…I’ll just show them to PG in person the next time I see him…whenever that will be. (That’s a whole other story…I’ll tell y’all about that after I get some sleep tonight.) I stopped for a second to pull my hair back with a hair band so that I could properly concentrate on sucking dick and not on holding my hair out of my face.

It was obvious that he was enjoying my dick sucking techniques, but after a bit, he decided that he wanted to fuck my pussy. I assumed the position: face down ass up with my back significantly arched to fully present my pink bits to this new peen. (Hilariously, that link is a clip is of 2 Live Crew on the Phil Donahue show. The looks on the faces of the people in his audience is worth a look!!!!!) I heard him fiddling with a condom and then he mounted me from behind. That first time a new dick enters me is always the best. I love the novelty of a new peen! As he slid in slowly, we exhaled in unison. We maintained this position long enough that he was able to snap a few pics and (unintentionally) take a few videos. I think that the one with my ass bouncing will have to go to PG. He’ll love it.

Jame slapped my ass a few times, though not very hard. He seemed to appreciate my big ass…I think. I changed my position to be flat on my stomach with my legs together and he continued fucking me. I was able to clench my pussy on his cock as I rotated my hips against him. He definitely liked it based on the sounds he was making. He asked me to ride him and I happily did so. I rode that boy until my pussy was practically raw. Jame played with my tits – squeezing them, kissing them, biting them. I bounced up and down, twerked, slid, and generally fucked the hell out of that cock. We were covered with sweat, saliva, and my pussy juices. That combination made for some fine lubrication! I was obviously close to cumming and he said, “Cum on this cock!” So, like, I did. He had not yet had his orgasm and since I was in a good mood, I sucked the actual jizz out of his dick. I used every trick I know until his balls exploded a load into my mouth. I also did something that I do not often do: I let him cum in my mouth. Of course, I didn’t swallow it. I let it run out of my mouth onto his dick. Guys seem to dig the look of a girl with cum leaking out of her mouth. Go figure. (Honeytoes’ extra tip: The next time you find your mouth wrapped around a dick that is about to cum, I offer this suggestion to you. As he starts to cum, put your tongue in his dickhole and keep it there till he finishes cumming. I am telling you that the guy will twitch and squirm like he shoved his dick into an electrical outlet. I have never had a guy not freak out at this little gem. #trustmeimaslut #tongueinthedickhole)

Jame seemed surprised, paralyzed, and a little loopy on the bed after the tongue-in-the-dickhole trick. #slutskills My legs were shaky as I got off of the bed to go clean up, but HOLY HELL my hair looked totes amazeballs! My ponytail had migrated low and to the left and the frizz had transformed into lots of ringlet curls. #totesadorbs #curlygirlproblems I did the Man Bun trick and brought a warm washcloth to clean up the mess I had made all over Jame’s cock. We talked for another 20 minutes or so and then he was on his way. I can’t believe that I finally got some Tinder dick! My pussy is swollen, so I took a pic of that for PG. He loves me getting used by other men and seeing that will make his dick hard AF.

Jame texted me when he got home. I think that I would see him again, but who knows if he’ll contact me. I will continue to browse through Tinder for more #cubpeen and I think, to that end, I’m changing my preferred age range to 30-40. I know that is limiting my options, but this cougar is going to start looking for some cubs.

Oh, the entire movie played, in case you were curious about how much time we spent fornicating. 🙂

…and always remember: Ho is life, y’all!

Sluttily yours,
#notesfromaslut #honeytoes #hoislife

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