Wait. What?

I went to the spa this morning and wore no makeup because it would have slid right off of my face in the humidity there. Afterwards, I went to grab a quick bite for lunch even though my face was not beat for the gawds. (food > makeup) There was literally not a stitch of makeup on my face. If you know me, you know that this is something that rarely happens. I don’t like my face without makeup. In fact, I wear makeup every day. I work from home and no one usually sees me, but I still wear makeup.

Anyhoo…I stuffed my face and my waiter brought my check. I opened it up to sign the bill to my hotel room and there was a little note inside (oddly with right justification):


Aw, shucks. That was sweet. Sir, you made this old gal’s day!

I walked over to Lush to buy some bath bombs. Walking back, I saw two gals trying to take a selfie. I approached them to ask if they wanted some help. They smiled and handed me their phone and I took some photos of them. We started talking and I asked about their accents. I was thinking South Africa because it sounded similar to my former boss who was from South Africa. Guess what? They’re from a #shithole country! Which shithole country? Namibia. They had the loveliest accents! Anyone wanna go to #Namibia?!

I sent a few pics to PG, per his earlier text. I sent two boob pics while at the spa. He replied “Nice” and then, “Your tits look amazing. Show me your destroyed asshole.” I sent two pics of my ass and he replied “OMG”. I am happy. For the record, my asshole looks exactly like it usually does…not destroyed at all.

FUCK! The second that I finished the paragraph above, PG texted me: “Will you be taking more cock tonight?” He’ll be sad to hear, and I am sad to say, that I will not be taking more cock tonight. God. Fucking. Dammit. Texting continues and man is PG riled up over this whole piss thing. Jesus. He needs to calm down. Balls.

Oh. Did I tell y’all about the piss stuff? Long story short, that is the next thing he wants: to piss on me and in my mouth (ew) and then for me to piss on his cock. I have been sending pics of me peeing. What is my life? I have spent too much time in the last week or so cleaning urine off of my phone. Am I even an adult?

…and always remember: Ho is life, y’all!

Sluttily yours,
#notesfromaslut #honeytoes #hoislife

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