Comfortably numb

Like, hi. Indulge me with a few notes here. I am absolutely exhausted. On Saturday night I went to a comedy show and I did not get home and into bed until about 1:30 am on Sunday the 28th. I woke up for my flight on Sunday the 28th at 4:30 am. Three hours of sleep is simply not reasonable like it once was back in my younger days. Kindly ignore the typos that are likely strewn throughout the post.

“Duh. Sleep on the plane.” Y’all, I cannot sleep on planes. It doesn’t matter how lovely the accommodations are or how long the flight is. Just like I was wide awake for my PHL-SEA-NRT flights, my PHL-ORD-LHR-NBO, and my PHL-LHR-ACC flights, I was wide awake for my Sunday flight to #Vegas. I even was in first class on the fancy, full-recline pods. Nope. No sleep for me.

I’m a touch loopy.

That said, HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO ME! My birthday present to me, from me was a trip to Vegas and a few hours with Man Bun. I casually mentioned that it was my birthday back when I booked him a few weeks ago.

While I tried to manage a disco nap after settling into my hotel room, I found myself restless. PG was on my mind, even hours from seeing Man Bun. Get out of my fucking head, PG! Okay, Honeytoes, FOCUS! Man Bun is imminently going to bring his beautiful self to you to gawk at for four hours.

It was getting close to that time, and I tried to make my sleepy self look somewhat presentable. Once again, I wore my sparkle dress. I was a human disco ball. As I made my way down to the lobby, random strangers were all, “I love your dress!” I was pleased and then I got into my head thinking they were making fun of me. Whatever. I’m old enough to earn the right to wear shiny things on a Sunday evening. And besides, it was my fucking #birthday!!

I sat in the lobby to wait for my birthday present to arrive. I texted CP. I checked Instagram and saw a preview of what Man Bun would be wearing. God, I wish I could post his picture here. He’s fucking hotter than fuck. He wore distressed (and tight!) True Religion jeans, black leather boots, and a fitted black and white shirt with black mesh and long sleeves. Mother. Of. Christ.

It was nearly time and I looked up to see his tall, extremely well built frame walking towards me. I walked over to greet him. “Happy birthday, beautiful!” We hugged and he gave me a little kiss. We quickly decided to go to Rice & Co. for dinner. Up the escalator we went and as we waited for the host to show us to our table, he sweetly informed me that dinner was on him tonight. “It’s my treat, birthday girl.” Oh, Man Bun. The way to my vag is a big peen and food – not necessarily in that order.

We sat in a U-shaped booth and sat close enough that our knees touched. Each touch made me feel all…googly. The menus were delivered and he asked if I wanted a drink. At first, I didn’t want one, but Man Bun said I should have one because it’s my birthday. Oh, hell, why not? He ordered a Haiku Mojito (Skyy Infusions Dragon Fruit, fresh kiwi, fresh strawberry) for me and a One Night in Bangkok (like a Moscow mule: Ketel One Citroen Vodka, TY KU Coconut Sake, ginger beer, fresh sweetened lime juice) for himself. This mojito was excellent. He offered up his mule to try and it was delicious!

Man Bun pulled his signature move and placed the napkin in my lap. He then ordered a bunch of things for us based on the things that he now knows that I like: miso soup, house mixed greens salad with ginger dressing, yellowtail hamachi (mmmmm…jalapeño…or should I say jala-peeñ-o), salmon sashimi, and a Hot Dang roll (tuna, salmon, yellow tail, avocado, spicy tuna, tempura crunch, kabayaki sauce and spicy mayo). It was all perfection, save for my lack of skills in using chopsticks to wrangle the yellowtail. Stupid 2D food! I do better with bigger things like rolls. He took pity on my tired, hungry self and fed me the yellowtail with my own chopsticks. Yeah. He. Fed. Me. It was both sexy and endearing at the same time.

The pic below is some of the food, but not all of it. The roll had not yet been delivered. It is a little blurry because it is a screen shot from the short video I took. I tried, but in my current state of exhaustion, I was unable to post the video. Give me a break.

Screen Shot 2018-01-29 at 2.04.59 AM

Dinner was superb, although neither of us ordered dessert. As far as I was concerned, I was seated next to my dessert. Man Bun paid the bill (again, how sweet is he!?!) and we were off to my room. On the escalator, he stood on the step below me, but he was right against me. I felt the heat coming off of his body.

When we got into the room, he quickly used the restroom and I took off my boots. I then brushed my teeth (seeds from my Mojito – eek!) and he rinsed his mouth out with some toothpaste. It was my turn to pee and when I was done, I put on some music (Pink Floyd). My temporary boyfriend was already on the bed wearing only his underwear. I am too tired to find it, but Google LAWD HAMMERCY DOG. Yeah. That.

Still in my disco ball dress, I got onto the bed and crawled over to him. He smiled and he leaned toward me for a kiss. I don’t kiss PG. I mean, I rarely kiss PG. Maybe twice since I’ve known him have we made out…but that isn’t what we do. It is, however, what Man Bun and I do. His soft lips touched mine and the good shit began. I can’t be certain how long we kissed, but as we did, my hands ran over his shoulders and crazy-big arms. He said that I should “get rid of” the dress and I unceremoniously flung it across the room onto the floor. MB grabbed onto my ass meat. I was on my knees and he was slightly below me. He stopped kissing my lips and moved to my neck, my chest, and then to my left nipple. MB held my left boob in his hand and he licked and kissed my nipple delicately and then bit the fuck down! Yeee-oooowieee! I squeaked and he bit even harder. My hands grabbed his shoulders and squeezed in response. He moved to the other nipple and bit down. Yes, please! All the while, he was giving my clit some attention with his non-boob-squeezing hand. I was quivering.

After some more kissing, he pushed me away and slid out of his underwear. Then he pulled me close and shoved (yes, shoved) my mouth onto his fat cock. His hand on my head, his cock was fully down my throat. I gagged several times, using the saliva to lube my hand and work his shaft with my mouth and my hand. (Honeytoes’ extra tip: The whole gagging thing is hot, y’all. When you do that, not only does the guy think it is hotter than hell that his dick is far down your gullet, but it also makes you produce hella copious amounts of saliva. How many times have I told y’all that a loud, wet, sloppy blow job is the best blowjob? It’s true! So…get out there, shove that dick down ya throat, and GAG ON IT HARD, honeys!!!) I do believe that he was pleased with my efforts…and I was rewarded.

I sat up and he pushed me down on my back. He spread my legs and I got the red light special. I really wish that all men had to take a class on eating pussy. Not all men do it, though they all seem to expect that a woman will suck their dick. Here’s the thing. I’m no longer sucking your dick unless you eat my box. Boom. Aw, you don’t like how it tastes? Get over it, weakling. Do you think that women are clamoring to put your piss extruder into their mouths? Suck it up, buttercup, and get the fuck to work or get the fuck out.

Man Bun expertly licked and flicked my clit, perfectly maneuvering my piercings. The one piercing is truly decorative. Many women say that their VCH is decorative, but some have more intense sensations with them. I have not had many men down there since Fetus nearly ate my damned jewelry. I vowed not to let anyone down there, but FUCK, y’all. That fucking gigolo knows what’s up and I am glad that he now does that for me. He had told me that he does not do THAT with every client…only with those he knows fairly well. Yay for me!! His tongue and lips worked together to guarantee that your #slut Honeytoes came a few times.

While still on my back, Man Bun switched things up. He positioned himself at a 45-degree angle with his head to my left. He was lying on his right side. His enormous thighs were pressed firmly against me. My legs were bent and kind of in the air, but my legs changed position a few times. He entered me. Deeply. He thrust himself into my pink bits and I gasped. I do believe that I said FUCK pretty loudly. (The guy in the room next door sneezed and I said “God bless you” to him through the door between our rooms, so I guarantee he heard the goings-on tonight.) As MB pumped into my pussy, he didn’t forget to give my clit some digital love. His fingers worked over my clit like a pro…’cause…well, he is a pro.

I looked over at him and he had an intense look on his face, but also a slight smile. Fuck, that is one hot man! I moved my left leg so that my foot was kind of near his head. He grabbed it and sucked on my big toe. I hate feet, but I love when a guy gives my feet some love. Man Bun delivered!

He continued fucking me as I grabbed onto his left thigh with both hands, squeezing it. Seriously, his thighs are god-like. Things of beauty, they are. As he pulled out of my pussy, I had a sad. Man Bun was not done yet, though.

He gently rimmed my asshole with his finger and deftly inserted it ever-so-slowly. I believe I may have been growling again. I most certainly was gyrating my hips rather as a sign for him that it was okay to proceed. He did so. With one finger in my ass (could it have been his thumb?), he also manipulated my clit at the same time…with the same hand. It felt heavenly, but then…? He pulled his digit from my ass and I could then feel the pressure of his hard cock against my tight hole. While I do not know this to be the case, I have a suspicion that most ladies he sees do not or cannot take his girthy shaft into their asses. Pffft. I, myself, can and do. He slowly pushed himself into my ass and once he was in, I manipulated myself so that he could go in balls-deep. I took that whole fucking thing inside of my ass. #proudslut #slutskills

We gyrated against one another and he again sucked on my big toe. Ya, I was yelling FUCK FUCK FUCK, but whatever. It’s Vegas. Get over it. Once again, PG entered my thoughts. He’d fucking die if he could see me take Man Bun’s fat dick into my ass…he’d be jealous, perhaps, that it was not him on the receiving end. I have to stop…the thought of me with both Man Bun and PG at the same time is WAY more than I am mentally equipped to handle at this late hour. Onward.

“I’m gonna cum,” he said and then he filled my ass with his load. (This is information that will drive PG crazy! I must remember to tell him.) I had lost track of how many times I came, but I am not the kind to keep score. In fact, I have had completely satisfying sex and not had an orgasm myself. Yep, it’s true. That said, however, I am a fan of multiple orgasms in one session, so please note that.

My 4-hour-at-a-time boyfriend got up and went to the bathroom to wash up briefly. I could see his perfectly chiseled body in the mirror. He is a fucking god. Back to the bed he came with a hot, wet towel and he pressed it against my pink bits and held it there for about 15 seconds. #signaturemove Then he cleaned me off before putting the towel back in the bathroom.

Man Bun came back to bed and I mentioned my arm was hurting and asked if he’d massage it. He agreed and I grabbed the argan oil. I was on my back on the bed and he worked my right arm. Oh, the feeling of his big, strong hands massaging my aching arm with oil was such bliss. It hurt, but I guess my muscles had their giblets in a bunch. He tended to my arm at least 10 minutes, though it could have been more, and then he moved to my left arm. Oooooohhhh….it felt painful and relieving.

He lay next to me on the bed and because I was freezing, I snuggled up to him. He is a heat machine. I think that we fell asleep for a bit. (Remember, y’all, I was on three hours of sleep…still am, actually, but I am finishing this post so that I can finally get some sleep.) Our time was nearly up and he went to grab a quick shower. Of course, I made sure to go have a look at him when he got out. I know I said this before, but this man is STRIKING when he is wet. STRIKING.

My favorite gigolo got dressed, gave me a hug and another “happy birthday”, and he was off into that good night. Me? I took a hot bath and wrote this little blog entry for y’all. I will be seeing him again, but I don’t yet have my next trip planned. #obvi #duh

Amusingly (disturbingly??), I got an e-mail from a reader. S/he (not sure…it was anonymous) suggested that I call my followers HoneyBees. What is wrong with you people?????? I already call you guys “y’all”. Isn’t that good enough?

…and always remember: Ho is life, y’all!

Sluttily yours,
#notesfromaslut #honeytoes #hoislife

3 thoughts on “Comfortably numb”

  1. I was pretty sure I knew who Man Bun was but your post today confirms it. The outfit described and the sushi were on his IG story. 😮 I am a FT reader so your secret is safe with me.


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