ERMAHGERD

I said…

Y’all, I don’t really know how it happened – or why.

PG texted me on Monday afternoon (yesterday) to say that he might be able to see me this week. I was beyond pleased. #obvi Then he said which day would work for him: Thursday. Curses!!! Your girl Honeytoes is going out of town for business for a new job. DAMMIT TO THE FIERY BOWELS OF HELL. (By the way, why is it spelled “fiery” and not “firey”?) I waited for weeks for this new company to get their shit together and now they bloody want me there when PG wants me? Fucksticks and buggery bollocks. (That’s for you, Nicola, you Cockney twat.) I let him know I’d be unavailable that evening and he replied, “Ffaacckkkk” in obvious disappointment. This would only be the second time that I told him I couldn’t meet up with him and the only other time was back in February after the *ahem* putative ghosting situation, but that was a highly urgent work thing. I can’t tell you what it was or I’d have to kill you. I do not take his invitations lightly since they are so precious and few.

I said I was available tonight (Monday), but he said he wouldn’t get home till 9:00 p.m. and that he’d be dead tired. Crud. Then I said that I would be available next week except for one day, but I know he never knows his availability that far in advance and I figured that was the end of things for the day. I was dead wrong.

A few hours later, the texts began. I am adding screenshots because I am proper gobsmacked. Read these and then we’ll chat.

Right. I am mentally disturbed, as I’m sure you have already figured out on based on my posts here (and especially for those of you who know me from that travel site), so I frantically consulted my PG expert, CP, to get her take. No, I have no fucking clue how she seems to be the PG whisperer, but CP’s track record is just about perfect with regard to PG. She just gets him, even though she has never had any interaction with him whatsoever. I think she might be a witch.

I’ll paraphrase her colorful response, but she thinks I fucked up utterly and missed my window to let PG know that if he and Orangina don’t work out that I’ll step up and “take his heart” as it were. She thinks I am a fucking moron…I don’t know that I totally disagree, but I am of the mind that he must know this by now. Right? RIGHT?! I have told him before that if Orangina gets abducted by aliens or something that I’m next in line for him. Whatever. It doesn’t matter, in my opinion, because he’s given his heart to her. I have his soul and his sexuality. Mmmmm-hhhmmmm.

How well do you know Honeytoes? Can you guess which text got your girl all weepy? It was the one where he said that she has his heart, but I have his soul and sexuality…and that he could not be without either of us. #FFS What the crap is wrong with me? That is a rhetorical question, people…I don’t think there is enough time or space on the interwebs to delve into that.

So…yeah…that was my night. Oh, and he also requested that I take photos of my body from every angle, especially focusing on my fat ass so that he would have some motivation first thing in the morning. Of course I did as he asked even though it was well past my 8:00 p.m. bedtime. (Give me a break, man, I get up at 4:16 a.m.! Why 4:16? Because 4:15 is too early. Duh.) I was sent an approving text first thing this morning and a dick pic of his Majestic Peen™. It is a good day.

…and always remember: Ho is life, y’all!

Sluttily yours,
Honeytoes
#notesfromaslut #honeytoes #hoislife