God. Fucking. Dammit.

Can’t a ho get a break?

First of all, I hereby officially and forever and ever retract CP’s nickname of Seabiscuit for the Tinder date I had today. His name will now be Meh. EABOD, CP! In fact, I may revoke CP’s naming privileges forever. #godfuckingdammit

Secondly, a restructuring of my peen screening criteria must occur – and quickly. Perhaps I need a full council of females to assist in this. #nomoresmallpeens #tromploeil #ytho

Today’s chucklehead was to meet me at 3:00. Then he said 3:30. I think he finally showed up shortly after 4:00. Yeah, it was raining and traffic blew, but shit, man. What the crap? He was hot as hell…and even better in person than his photos. He had a great smile with beautiful teeth. He had lovely dark skin. I quickly found out that he was from Ghana. I have a long history with Ghanaian men (fucking ’em since 1989, y’all!!) and their attributes and between that and his dick pic, I was excited for some good, deep dicking. I was filled with hope…and pussy juice.

We talked till about 5:00 and then he followed me back to my place. Within 30 seconds of entering my house, he asked, “Uh, can I check on the game?” He assumed I would know what game he was referring to, and of course I had no clue. God. Fucking. Dammit. Remember Cupcake? He commandeered my tv to watch football. When did you least hear about Cupcake? Ummmm…Exactly. I fed my cats and sat on the couch…where I sat until about 8:15. We talked as #sportsball was in the background. For spite, I made him watch one of my FemDom movies in which I caned a guy and used a flogger and a rubber loop on him as he screamed like a bitch. Meh eventually kissed me and he seemed to be a decent kisser. Seemed.

Oh, fuck it. #icannoteven

Right now I am wholly uninspired and I apologize in advance. I’m simply trying to get this blog post finished so that I can go to sleep. Here’s the executive summary:

  • He did not need a Magnum.
  • I was fucked strictly in missionary position. The only variation was my leg position as I tried to finagle his dick to hit the right spot. I, myself, could not. Seriously, no doggy style? What is happening here???
  • No dirty talk from him.
  • Seriously, did I mention he didn’t need a Magnum?
  • What is it with guys who cannot be aggressive in bed? I am not a fucking porcelain doll, for crap’s sake. Use me hard.

He seemed pleased with himself as he came. I was pleased when he came because I knew he’d soon be out the door. He mentioned coming back again. I smiled and told him to drive carefully. God. Fucking. Dammit.

He just texted me: “Made it back in one peace [sic] lol. Had fun. We should do this again.” Oh. Holy. Jesus. Peace, he says. Piece out, Meh!

…and always remember: Ho is life, y’all!

Sluttily yours,
Honeytoes
#notesfromaslut #honeytoes #hoislife

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