Goin’ ho-in’!

That’s right, kids! Honeytoes went a ho-in’ tonight – September 11th. It was rather unexpected and I find that the best sex is the unexpected kind. I haven’t had sex since Man Bun on August 25th. Ugh. I swear that I have no idea how I lasted without sex for 7 years before meeting PG, but anyhoo…

Plane Guy texted me earlier in the day. “Send nudes.” Jesus. He’s totally a meme: a sexy, bearded, big-dicked fuckboy asking for nudes. As you know, I am weak-willed when it comes to PG. I complied with his request, but made it clear that I needed his cock this week – as I have done practically every week for the last 2 damned months. (No, I’m not bitter at all, thanks for asking.) I mentioned as well that a male friend (Master!!) is coming to see me next week (yay!!!), so it had to be this week. Maybe that piqued his interest, but he said that we could meet up tonight. For the rest of the day, every single time my phone made the notification sound (Lacroix, sweetie!), I figured it was him canceling on me. Again.

Well, by now you may have figured out that I GOT PG COCK TONIGHT!!!!! YAY FOR ME AND ALL MY HOLES!!!! Of course I was instructed to look whorish. Duh. I did a smoky eye, lots of blush, and the black lipstick that I know PG loves on me. Oddly, I was asked to wear a g-string underneath my fishnet bodystocking. Er, okay, PG…it’s your thing, I guess, but that’ll make fucking me difficult. Maybe the handy bedside knife might make another appearance. Buying a new bodystocking for every sexual encounter is rather annoying, but that’s the price a #slut pays for good dick. #slutsacrifices (spoiler alert: He managed just fine and the bodystocking made it out unscathed, though covered with PG jizz!)

I had been informed that tonight would be brutal and that there would be some #DP action. “I can’t wait to beat you and rape you in every hole like the dirty slut you are.” He knows just the right thing to say every single time. “Do you love your Daddy?” he asked. **sigh** I kind of hate my Daddy right now for being such a fucking cunt tease for all this time, but hate sex is pretty lit, so, “Yes, I love my Daddy” was my reply. #soweak #daddyissues #ahogottahotho

On my drive there I was more nervous than usual. It has been 2 months since we fucked and I didn’t know exactly what to expect.  I let myself in and walked up to his bedroom where he was reclined on the bed wearing black shorts and messing with his phone. I said, “Hi.” He smiled and said, “There she is!” Be still my beating heart. His voice. His smile. There was a candle burning on the nightstand. He stood up and I put my things on the floor and stood there. PG asked me to remove my long sweatshirt (that was what I wore over the fishnet situation) and I did so. He stared at me for a bit and then he got up and stood behind me, wrapping his arms around me and kissing my neck. That makes me go all snaky, especially with his beard rubbing against my skin.

His hands freely moved all over my body. His hands cupped my tits and he squeezed them, lowering the bodystocking for full mammary access. I felt his torso rubbing against my back. His cock was hard against me – so hard. Then he backed away and took some pictures of me in various and sundry poses, all accentuating my big ass. #obvi He knelt behind me and asked me to spread my ass cheeks for him. I did so and he snapped a few more photos before putting his face between my cheeks and gently kissing my both my cheeks and my, uh…rosebud. My salad was properly tossed and having seen to that, PG asked me to crouch over his face after he got onto his back on the floor. More photos were taken and then he gently kissed and licked my pussy. I was shocked at his gentle but powerful nature tonight, given the extreme texts earlier in the day. I felt some sort of way about all of this…

I then was asked to move to the bed and to get on my knees, ass up in the air. I assumed the position. More photos. “Look at Daddy, Princess,” he cooed. Fuck. Yes, I fucking will look at my Daddy! More photos. Then he got onto the bed and shoved his dick down my throat a few times. HARD. A few more photos were taken of me with his dick in my mouth and then the weird stuff started to happen. He also took a fabulous photo of my ass high in the air. Seriously, it is a hella good picture, y’all!!!

You all know that I have been fucking PG now for over a year. You know that we do and discuss some depraved shit. Tonight, though, there was weirdness for which I, myself, was totally unprepared. There was a lot of kissing. We rarely kiss and when we do, it is very brief. Maybe he subscribes to the “kissing is too intimate” school of thought – I dunno. I mean, the man eats ass…how much more intimate is an oral-oral kiss? Tonight, though, his lips kissed the black lipstick off of my lips. (I mean, not all of it…after all, it is a Jeffree Star liquid matte lipstick [shade: Weirdo, in case anyone cares] and those hold up pretty well!) It was endearing. Fuck. God damn him to the fiery bowels of hell. I am supposed to hate him and he makes me not hate him every single fucking time. Shitballs. I found myself engulfed in the moment and grabbed his beard as we kissed. He is so sexy. It is somewhat alarming. He has the kavorka.

After some more kissing, he looked at me and said, “I love you. I really do. You know that, right?” Um. I was dumbstruck. I thought that we weren’t saying that anymore? Of course, I blurted out, “I love you, too” like a #fucktard. Why can’t I just keep my mouth shut? See, here’s the thing. **sigh** I think that I actually do love the bastard. I mean…I love him in a “no, I don’t want to be your wife and spew forth your children of the corn, but I’ll let you fuck my holes anytime and in any manner you want to” way. Shit. Why? WHY? I joke about this with my totes bestie (Oh, heeyyy, CP, you whore!), saying that “I heart PG” and now I fear that it might actually be true. #ffs #ytho


As we were getting ready to fuck, he asked me if I wanted to fuck him without a condom. Um, yes, please! He said that he fucks his girlfriend without a condom and that they are both clean. I told him that I am clean as of my last set of tests in August and told him I could send him the results. He asked about Master (though he obviously didn’t call him that) and I said that he gets tested frequently (monthly, maybe?) and that he is also pristine. I said that I would never do anything that would fuck up what we have and that I’d never do anything to fuck things up for him and his gf (I may have thrown up in my mouth a little). Having made those promises (sincerely, y’all), the fucking commenced.

Not weird enough for ya? Okay…stick with me, peeps. There’s more. After the “I love you” stuff, he lubed up my ass (he’s a romantic) and inserted the purple gel dildo before I mounted him. By god and sunny Jesus…that was almost too much for me. As soon as his thick cock slid into my aching pink bits, I nearly came. He had to calm me down…it was that obvious. Cripes. I had so badly longed for him to be inside of me that I almost blew my load, as it were, with the first penetration. Being doubly stuffed is sublime pleasure, especially when one of the stuffings is Plane Guy’s Majestic Peen™. “Do not let that dildo fall out of your ass,” he whispered. “I won’t, Daddy,” squeaked I. I gyrated my hips and took him as far into me as humanly possible. (Honeytoes’ extra tip: When you’re on top, gals, don’t be shy. Grind your pelvis 360° clockwise and counterclockwise. Stay still for a bit, letting him go deep inside of you and then flex your pussy muscles, like you’re trying to pull his cock deeper into you. I think you’ll find that he loves that. Pump your ass up and down. Twerk on his cock! If he has a small cock, dump him…but if you’re fucking him and you want to twerk his tiny cock, do it carefully…They tend to fall out and you kind of smoosh it uncomfortably, especially if you are gifted in the booty department. A fat ass and a small dick are not a good combination. Also? If you don’t like your body? Shut up. No woman likes her body. OBVIOUSLY the guy likes your body because HE IS FUCKING YOU, so grow a pair and grind your pussy all over that cock. Don’t worry about what you look like because all men think that a woman with his dick in her is beautiful. #honeytoesknows #getthatdickgirl)

Okay…where was I?

Oh, right…so after I rode Daddy, he suggested using his girlfriend’s anal plug on me. This is something that he had previously mentioned in one of our texting frenzies…I figured that it was just his way to pop a quick nut via text. I said that he was a sick, twisted fuck and I agreed to let him use her toy on me. Heh. #assholesandcunts #clams4life He grabbed it out of the nightstand drawer and went to the bathroom to make sure that it was pristine. When he came back, the took out my smaller dildo and slid Orangina’s ass toy into my ass. Then he slid his cock into my pussy. Again with the DP. YES!! I was on my stomach and he was on top of me, whispering dirty talk into my ear. “I fucked my girlfriend’s ass this weekend and thought of you when I came inside of her.” Then? He got his phone (as he continued his deep dicking of my pussy) and showed me photos of her ass and her pussy! This was kind of over the edge because I was told never to mention her and now he’s fucking me with his dick, her ass toy, and showing me photos of her ass and pussy. (For the record, the girl has a nice ass and pussy.) And then? He showed me pics of a few other girls that he had fucked…as he continued fucking me. It was demented and perverse and I fucking loved every second. He has a lot of ass pics on his phone, I noted.

PG asked if I’d bring one of my big dildos (the big black and green one I call Sarge) along the next time and leave it there with him so that he could fuck his girlfriend with it. No, I didn’t think to ask him where he’d tell her it came from, but my holes were occupied and my brain was shut off for the time. #givemeabreak He asked which of her holes he should fuck with Sarge and I said, “Ass!” He replied, “I’ll fuck her ass with it and send you pictures after I cum all over her.” I don’t like the idea of him having Sarge at his place…but if he’s going to use it so perversely, I might just have to agree to it. He is so twisted…I do believe he is my sexual soul mate.

I have to admit that his girlfriend’s dildo felt pretty good in my ass, especially combined with her boyfriend’s dick in my pussy. #savage He fucked me so deeply that he might have poked my lungs. I know fo’ sho’ that he hit my cervix. It reminded me of the Tenacious D video “Fuck Her Gently”. PG was so thorough and deliberate tonight. It was like he was trying to impress me. I was impressed. We both came hard and he did his usual post-fucking care routine, including cleaning off my dildo. #respect

Fucksticks. I forgot to mention that after I sent PG the ass pics today, there was this little text exchange below that made my early-morning workouts for the last two months TOTES worth it. Thanks, Jared, my tolerant personal trainer!!


I expect that the next peen for me will be Master next week. I assure you that there will be updates here next week, so do check back to see how much D your Honeytoes gets and in what manner it is administered.

…and always remember: Ho is life, y’all!

Sluttily yours,
#notesfromaslut #honeytoes #hoislife

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