Hoku? Yeah, hoku. Get it? I just made it up, guys. It is like haiku, but it is about my #holife. Hoku. You heard it here first. Understand that I am not a poet, but since I’m getting no #peen right now, this is all I have. #FML Someone, please send me some D. I’m losing my fucking mind here, reminiscent of the Seinfeld episode when Elaine went all stupid without sex. That’s where I am right now. It is serious, though not serious enough to call Boston boy. #helltothenaw #sendpeen #ithinkimgonnabarf

I wish that I could say I was drunk when writing the bollocky dreck below, but I, myself, cannot. I’m stone-cold sober and obviously in need of a team of qualified psychiatrists, some fat D, and poetry lessons.

I apologize in advance for the time you’re about to waste reading these…and for the inevitable death of some of your brain cells. It’s your fault for not helping me find some peen, though, so…In no particular order, I give you HOKU!!!!


Honeytoes needs peen

Vagina empty and sad

Plane Guy where are you


Scandalous first kiss

I was 12 and he 18

I totes seduced him


Ho in a Pinto

Dad’s here – sorry gotta go

Left him with blue balls


Back of the band bus

Who wants to have his dick sucked

Please do mind the queue


Dickinson College

Lost my virginity there

He had curly hair


In Kiev Ukraine

Fucked two farm boys from Kansas

At the same time – duh


Young ho on the prowl

First night at college and drunk

Line up and let’s fuck


Fucked in a sleep lab

Sensory deprivation

I’m all that is slut


Fucked in lecture hall

Yes, in the medical school

Was a slut back then


He awoke The Beast

The Beast must be tended to

Lest she cut a bitch


Require fat peen

But so few good ones out there

Where the big dicks at


Face down and ass up

Taking another big one

To blog about it


Gigolo man ho

Companion for a few hours

God damn that boy fine


Man Bun and his peen

Shiny hair but not down there

Must mount his fat cock


Met him on a plane

Soon would see what’s in his pants

The Majestic Peen™


Mean Dominatrix

She loves cock and ball torture

Kicks those balls with glee


Against the wall, slut

I’ll make you behave or else

You’ll feel the whip’s kiss


On my knees again

Dick looming above my head

Put it in my mouth


I travel for peen

Doesn’t matter where I go

If the cock is big


It strains through his pants

Bouncing like on hydraulics

Fill me with that cock


Pussy wet from him

He teases me ceaselessly

Till he lets me cum


Spread your legs, pig boy

I must fuck your asshole now

Take it like a man


You want a tranny

But say that you’re not the gay

I’ll still fuck you though


Bent over the bed

Bite my lip as he slides in

Totes fucked from behind


Sitting at his feet

Blissfully watching him

Ponder his next move



When will I taste dick again

Fuck Orangina


Cunt teases vex me

I need to be stuffed full soon

This haiku is shit


For the love of balls

I have lost my fucking mind

Peen peen peen peen peen


…and always remember: Ho is life, y’all!

Sluttily yours,
#notesfromaslut #honeytoes #hoislife











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